Marissa Heckel is a mother from Ohio (United States) who after the traumatic birth of her first daughter decided to do things differently with her second baby and chose to give birth without any help and in the privacy of her home.
A friend of Marissa shared her photo on Facebook and her story quickly went viral. The image has overwhelmed us for two reasons: on the one hand, because it shows us how incredibly powerful that our body can become and our mammalian nature. But, on the other hand, we think that although respectable, the option of giving birth without help is irresponsible, since it puts the mother and the baby at risk.
It was clear what I wanted from the first moment
Marissa had a traumatic experience three years ago, when she gave birth to her first daughter in a hospital. She felt harassed by medical staff and intimidated for not wanting to resort to the epidural. They guided his labor, forced him to lie on a bed and push in a position that did not favor the descent of the baby and, as a result, ended an important tear.
Therefore, when she became pregnant with her second child, Marissa was very clear that she wanted to give birth in a totally different way, without help and trusting only in your body. She was never afraid of the decision made, and despite the fact that two weeks had passed since her probable due date and the baby showed no sign of wanting to be born, she was calm and safe.
"I was so excited that I didn't see the time to start labor. But I trusted my body and had a positive relationship with him. I knew that despite being in week 42, he would decide when it would be the most appropriate time "
And the moment arrived. After 36 hours of childbirth, Marissa, accompanied by her husband, gave birth to their second child. A baby of more than 4 kilos of weight that, according to her, reconciled him with his mammalian nature and with his woman's body.
"It's been five days since I gave birth to my son without any help. Three years ago, I gave birth to my first daughter in a hospital where I felt very badly treated and harassed throughout the labor. Therefore, this time I decided to stay at home and give birth to my son in privacy. I had this idea very clear since I knew I was pregnant "
"My husband was very understanding with me and has always respected my choice to be in a calm and stress-free environment. I refused to have a midwife. I didn't want anyone to tell me what to do or what was best for me or my baby. To give birth like this was an opportunity to show everyone that God made our bodies ready to give birth, and that hospital care does not have to be the usual norm. "
"I gave birth to my son after 36 hours of delivery in the bathroom of my house. It was the same time it took to give birth to my first daughter. During the night, and as the contractions intensified I looked for relief in the shower or in the bathtub, but I didn't get it. Leaning against the wall I was telling myself that the pain would be temporary".
"At dawn the contractions became much stronger and when I began to feel pressure, my husband stood by my side and held my hand with love as I roared. At that moment the bag broke and my bed was filled with water" .
"When I felt the need to push I tried to stay in bed but I felt unnatural. So I told my husband that I wanted to go to the bathroom to push. I let my body do the work alone and I sat on the toilet. My husband was worried about me and between contraction and contraction I reassured him by saying that he already felt our baby's head drop "
"Y suddenly I felt the ring of fire and my husband told me that he could already see his head and encouraged me to move on, but he also confessed that he was worried that our son could fall into the toilet when he came out (hahaha). "
"Then I asked him to help me because I wanted to stand up to receive him. My husband looked at me like I was crazy, but he helped me up. I stood up and leaned on the towel rack and I let my body give the last push."
"My husband was in shock, shooting photographs. I have never felt so powerful in my life. Our bodies are really amazing! I lit the placenta about 20 minutes later. Our son weighed 4 kilos and 226 grams, measured 60 cm and the perimeter of his head was 36 cm. He was not a baby as average because my husband is very tall (almost 1.85cm) "
Marissa confessed to Pop Sugar that the experience left her very exhausted, but that made her feel powerful: "I trusted my body and he did what many people forget he can do."
A respectable but negligent option
There is no doubt that having had a traumatic first birth as he has, medicalized and feeling badly treated by hospital staff, led this woman to make a decision with her second birth that, from my point of view, is irresponsible.
We always say that all options are respectable, but when it comes to bringing a new life to the world you have to Weigh the risks we assume and the consequences our actions may have. Because in this case it is not an issue that concerns us exclusively, but it affects our son.
Giving birth at home is an option that more and more women decide to take. There are many studies that have been done to date to try to know whether home birth is safe or not. Some have revealed that it is more dangerous than hospital birth and others that it is at least as safe.
The midwives insist that giving birth at home is safe and the research carried out around this topic speaks of a lower trauma for the mother and the baby, a lower incidence of postpartum depression and a better establishment of breastfeeding.
In 2014, the United Kingdom began recommending home birth because it was considered safe, as long as it was the second baby and the first birth would have passed without complications.
And it is that giving birth at home must follow a series of criteria to consider it safe and that they are, as we commented: Not being the first child, having had a low-risk pregnancy and being near a hospital.
But deciding to give birth in the privacy of your home, surrounded by your family and in a relaxed environment, should not be synonymous with giving birth without specialized supervision.Still, you have to keep in mind that, at any time, events can change course and need urgent medical attention to save the life of the mother or baby that a midwife or doula may not know how to give.
This topic always generates debate among those who defend that the woman's body is designed to give birth without any help and naturally, and those who consider it irresponsible to do so without proper supervision.
Personally, I believe that the real debate is not in whether it is advisable to give birth or not at home, but in what leads women to make this decision: obstetric violence. That's why I think there is that really improve is hospital delivery care so that the woman can feel safe, well treated, heard, taken into account and respected in all her labor.
Via Pop Sugar
In Babies and More One in ten women in Spain claims to have had a traumatic birth, according to a recent study, "What happens in childbirth is deeply engraved in both brains." Interview with Ibone Olza, If you don't get a tooth without anesthesia, why do you want to give birth without an epidural? of a baby in a home birth: zero self-criticism
