Among our themes today we have chosen "again" to talk about relationships between brothers, especially about the manifestation of jealousy. On this occasion we bring you some details of the “School of Parents” series of the Ministry of Education, Culture and Education, inviting you to learn about the rest of the topics covered in this site.
I do not know if you will agree with me, but the expectations that parents have when they expect their second child, are not usually fulfilled, in regard to fraternal relationships. This aspect is not something negative since children are people who have their own way of being, and their behavior / emotions do not have to coincide with what we expect. That is why I always recommend to mothers who expect their second child not to be surprised if the “elder” is more nervous, insecure and even aggressive, whenever it is temporary, everything is overcome by spending time, being understanding and showing them our love.
I suppose that from the third thing something similar can happen only that more than two children must be cared for, although the organizational capacity by then has already increased. If one day I have three children, which is something we want, I can tell you first hand. They tell us from the School of Parents that before the arrival of a new member in the family, parents, in addition to thinking that their children will benefit from learning from each other, feel insecure that they face and conflicts arise. Rivalry is normal, it is a competition to obtain the affection of parents that without exceeding a certain degree occurs normally in all families.
There are stages in which children may feel especially vulnerable, and this feeling is increased due to the arrival of a little brother. In the publication they mention weaning, the beginning of schooling, etc. I believe that vulnerability can continue to occur even if the children grow up, only later they will have more resources to face the situation and express their emotions. In fact I do not imagine growth as something linear, but with a process in which setbacks are possible, but parents are here to give them security.
Jealousy in itself assumes that the child thinks he loses what he thinks he has had. There is also jealousy with envy that would be to want to achieve what the child thinks he does not have because the other has it. There are parents who consider "bad" that the child feels jealous and believe that this is a defect. But we must know that jealousy is universal, that is, they are part of the characteristics of the whole human being and that they can be attenuated over time.
Manifestation of jealousy:
There are as many forms as individuals or families. But from the School of Parents they point out some easily observable and frequent behaviors:
Open rivalry, manifests verbally.
Aggressive actions towards the baby.
Hostility towards the mother.
Hostility towards himself.
Regressions
Are fights normal?
In all families there is friction, friction and fighting that usually annoys parents. When the age difference between siblings is small, major conflicts occur. As a general rule, the more jealous the brothers feel among themselves, the more they tend to argue and fight.
Whenever there are no serious consequences, it is good to let them solve the conflicts themselves in the family so that they later know how to resolve them outside of it. It is only necessary to intervene if the damage that could be done was great. Care should be taken not to proceed unfairly, listening to both versions and without venturing hypotheses about who started. It is important that they can express themselves verbally, show their disagreements, without getting stuck.
For the child's restlessness to last as little as possible, it is very good to talk about these feelings. Talking means that children are aware of what is happening to them and that they are also confident that their parents can help them. In addition, it will have a relaxing effect knowing that they are not the only ones to whom something like this happens
Partly, the good progress of a fraternal relationship depends on the parents: of the acceptance of jealousy, that they have been able to communicate with the child since pregnancy, that they do not reject the eldest son because he changes his behavior, that he is dedicated exclusively, to ensure that his daily life does not change drastically, etc.
