We are already in January and this means that in a few days Aran, my second child, will turn four and that Jon, the first, will turn seven. Seven years will make me a father for the first time and, as I must be a little melancholic, I will look back and I will remember and share how was the day I took my first child in my arms.
There are many expectations created for that moment, and many references I had, but with a problem, that most came from television or cinema. Maybe that's why I felt bad and a little disappointed with myself, a little guilty, because the day Jon was born, the day I became a father, there was no heavenly music nor a clearing opened in the clouds.
"Honey, I think I have contractions."
So we woke up that morning, with her telling me that I had been upset for a while, but since I was sleeping I hadn't paid much attention to them. I didn't get too nervous and I didn't run like in the movies, because I was clear that I had read it somewhere, that things were slower than we thought.
In fact, after several hours of contractions and almost certain that this pain told us that it would soon be born, we were greeted with a “uff, there is still enough, come back home”.
A few hours later, when she already said it hurt too much, we came back to stay. So we got seven in the afternoon, when they thought it might be a good idea to put the epidural. They invited me to go for a walk and when I returned everything had changed, the "this is going for a long time" became a "we are going to have a cesarean section", because the child started doing bradycardia.
I missed everything
I didn't see her anymore until after giving birth, so I missed the possibility of giving my support and I also missed seeing my first child born. As usual, you do not know what you get lost until you see it, so I think that in large part, the fault that there was no heavenly music that day was not seeing him born, because three years later, when Aran was born while I present, yes I felt many things, yes I noticed the tears appear, yes it seemed to me that having a child was something magical.
The fact is that they told me that everything had gone well and invited me to peek through a door to see him leave the parlor. Then I saw a nurse with a baby with big eyes who watched him all quietly get into a room where seconds later he began to cry. There they put his first molt, they left him under a lamp and they told me to see him (a lamp ... as if he had no mother, hey).
The first time I saw him
I approached a lump that moved discreetly and under two blankets and with the pijamita we had bought for that day rolled up (we expected you a little bigger, my son), I found my baby. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know if I could take it. I looked around but there was no one, so I thought “what the hell is my son”, I took it and that's when I first looked into his eyes.
I expected that what they explain in the movies would happen, an air that moved my hair, a light that would illuminate us both, a background music that would envelop us, even that I would start crying with emotion. But nothing like that happened. I just saw his face, looked into his eyes and said, "Hello little, I'm a dad." I gave him a kiss (or several) and that was the beginning of our relationship.
That presentation led to much more, to want to be with him, to feel that I could not and should not let him cry and, therefore, to spend several hours with him in my arms, even at night, so that Mom could rest. From that moment when nothing out of the ordinary happened we began to know each other and, as the touch makes love, from being together so much the love is here to stay.
I was then 26 years old and, disappointed and feeling guilty for not having felt what I expected to feel, I dedicated myself to feeling every day, to learn with him and from him and thus I realized that you can and should live the life of otherwise, more calmly and with more respect for others. Come on, that the scale of values entered the centrifuge and everything went backwards as it was. For all this, although there was no great initial crush, I thank you infinitely for being able to teach me to see life in another way and for forcing me to want to be a better person, to be a better example and consequently a better father.
