When you are waiting for a baby you start visualizing your husband in the role of father. In my case I always thought that mine would make it great ... that it would be involved in all matters ... from deciding if we would give pacifier to the less grateful how to change diapers. Of course, that's what I thought about that role before my daughter arrived… now that I've been through it, I think it really goes much further.
The first weeks with the baby
When you're not a mother and you see the children of others you imagine that the thing is not necessarily as hard as some paint it. I thought to myself that with what little a baby does, it is not so difficult to engage him and your new life. In fact, I thought that maybe on maternity leave I would have the time to read a couple of books, walk a lot to recover the figure and be super to show off the offspring ...
Suddenly comes the time when you see yourself at home with a new member in the family and all the enthusiasm and desire to do your best. Before having it, you did not have the exhaustion that you would find after childbirth and the first nights awake (because at the minimum noise you are already standing next to your crib checking to breathe and everything else), so the great thing you leave for a little later.
As the days go by you realize that instead of recovering sleep and resting from the hospital stay, you feel more and more tired. It is clear to you that the nights will never be the same as before and you see yourself starting every day worse than the previous one by caring for your baby every time she needs it. The combination of that state with the festival of hormones that you have in the body results in a new person: maybe a little (or much) more irascible, sensitive or variable than normal.
And you will tell me And all this has to do with the role of the father as such?. Well, in reality, everything: at that time your baby responds to his survival instincts and in that sense the role of the mother is crucial for him ... that's why I think that one of the main roles that the father should play is as emotional support of Mother.
Of course, taking into account the ridiculous paternity leave that exists in most countries, changing diapers, bathing and cooing at dawn when the baby fails to fall asleep is work and is greatly appreciated when the father takes the initiative to share it, but serve Bastion for the new mother can become much harder: it is not easy to face your partner when she is in a different state from the one you have known so far and for which you don't know how to react.
You change ... and the relationship too
When I was pregnant I had already been warned that the relationship changes when a baby arrives because everything has revolved around him. Of course, you think that this will not happen to you because you love your partner very much and are accustomed to routines that include pampering, dining, getaways, cinema or just snuggling under a blanket to watch a movie quietly at home and that in A large part of these activities can include your baby without problems.
Of course it is possible, only that it does not happen immediately but that inclusion is gradually being made: you must first fit into your baby's routine and then you try to combine it with what was once yours.
Probably mothers assume that change more easily (it is my personal impression), and the father can be somewhat displaced by the barrage of changes. That's where I think you should arm yourself with patience, feed on the love he has for his family and serve as support while the mother becomes comfortable with her new role ...
New parents: it's not easy for us either, it is true that instinct helps a lot, but babies do not come with a manual ... we also feel insecure, we also need a voice of encouragement when we feel we can no longer and need to hear from time to time that we are doing well.
Of course, if in addition to that you get up at dawn to change the diaper and coo the baby so that we can sleep a little more ...
