When thinking about a future as a family, many couples wonder what the ideal number of children is. While many agree that two is the perfect number, that the traditional "family type" is the most balanced, the truth is that there is no answer that works equally for all families.
Without a doubt, in addition to many other variables, something we think about is the stress that we are willing to endure As parents. It is logical to think that the greater the number of children, the higher the level of stress, however, this is not so, at least in the case of mothers. A survey of more than seven thousand American mothers revealed that Mothers with three children are stressed mothers, even more than those with four or more children. Is this theory true? What is it based on? Are you agree?
From couple to large family
When the first baby arrives it completely changes our lifestyle. When we became parents, we stopped doing some of the things we were doing as a couple and began to live a new life as first-time parents, with all the stress and concerns that this entails.
When we are more or less accommodated in our new role as parents and decide to go for the second one, the matter gets complicated. A new baby arrives, homework and headaches are doubled. Now we have to take care of two children at the same time, each with their own needs, and logically the level of stress increases.
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Although the picture changes, the transition from one to two children is more manageable. With one dad and mom they took care of one and now each one is dedicated to one of the children. Being two, with two children to care for is all more balanced.
But if we also decide to become a large family and go for the third party (which some consider an act of bravery), everything is already careless. Because although love multiplies with each child, the hands are still two, dad and mom are still two, but now there are three children to attend. Not to mention that monetary concerns also grow and it becomes more complicated to reconcile the demands of work and home.
At least in my case, my life quite disengaged with the arrival of the third. With two older girls quite followed (two years apart), when she began to see the light and began to sleep some night from the pull, the little girl came to turn upside down the relative tranquility we had achieved.
However, it cannot be generalized because every family is a world. There are mothers who feel more overwhelmed with the arrival of the second than with the arrival of the third, seeing that with one they had everything controlled and suddenly everything doubled. And it also has a lot to do with the age difference that the children take away. If they are very followed it is usually more chaotic than if they take several years.
The tri-mothers, the most stressed
Numerous surveys are quite representative of what happens at a general level in society. A query by Today in 2013 to more than seven thousand American mothers indicates that the number of children is not directly related to increased stress.
By asking participating mothers to rate their stress levels on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the most stressed and 1 the least), they discovered that the "average" mother rated her stress level around 8.5. Mothers of three were at the highest levels, but interestingly, mothers with four or more children averaged much lower levels.
The main reason for stress, for 60 percent of mothers, is the lack of time to do all the tasks that must be carried out. Covering so many fronts, coupled with the emotional stress and pressure that we sometimes impose on ourselves, makes us feel that we can no longer go through really hard stages.
With four children, less stress than with three
How is it possible that having four children is less stressful than having three? There are several theories. One of them is that while there are tasks that multiply proportionally by the number of children such as laundry or shopping, mothers of large families agree that more children also increases individual autonomy, which helps to lighten the load at home.
It is also believed that mothers of four or more children acquire greater confidence in their maternal abilities, leave more than everything flows and get less stressed when they see that they cannot reach everything.
Some tips for stressed mothers
Stress is part of being a mother and although we cannot avoid it completely at least there are some tips that we can put into practice to relieve it:
Learn to relativize Problems and urgencies: not everything is important or urgent. Give it the importance that everything deserves at the time.
Promote the autonomy of our children: Whether or not you are a large family that children are autonomous not only helps to ease the burden of some tasks, but also favors the development of their personality. From a minimal gesture such as brushing your teeth alone to tasks of greater responsibility such as setting the table or putting your clothes to wash, always according to their age and maturity. It all adds up.
Get organized: Schedule all events and write down all pending tasks, make schemes and set priorities. The organization is key to order the mental burden that we carry the mothers in tow. Putting the tasks black on white (either with paper and pencil, in the mobile notes or on a paper in the fridge) helps to remove them from the mind, visualize them and cross them out once they are finished. (This helps me a lot)
Lighten the pressure that we impose ourselves: Nothing happens if you have not done the manicure, you have some gray hair, you have not washed the car or you do not have the impeccable house. The extreme demand only increases our stress level and ends up frustrating us when we see that we do not reach everything.
As the children increase, whether we choose to have two or nine children, the key is in organize and set priorities With real expectations.
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