As parents, we are responsible and responsible for caring for, guiding and educating our children during their first years of life (although we never really stop doing so). During that time, one of our functions is to establish appropriate limits to the age and circumstances of each of our children.
But should we always be firm or answer "no" when they have a slightly crazy request? A mother teaches us that being flexible and allowing your teenage daughters to dye their hair colored was something that helped improve their relationship.
Whitney Fleming is a block mom who narrates and publishes her experience with motherhood in the blog "Playdates on Fridays". Recently he shared a situation he had with his daughters, and that turned out to be a lesson in which he learned that sometimes, avoiding the "no" can be beneficial.
It turns out that his two teenage daughters began to have the concern of dyeing their hair "non-traditional" colors, and told him with little hope that his mother would agree. Surprisingly, his answer was that he would think about it. And that's how the reflection he shared in the Facebook post began, accompanied by the photo of one of his daughters with blue-dyed hair.
Today I let my 12 year old daughter dye her hair blue. Actually, it's more a turquoise tone. And my 13-year-old daughter dyed it purple.
When they started mentioning the idea of dyeing their hair a few months ago, I replied with a: "We'll see." Both were pleasantly surprised to see that I did not tell them that "in any way" immediately, so occasionally they mentioned it again.
I tried to think of a good reason not to. At school there is no rule against dyed hair, it does not require any additional maintenance and they were saving to pay for it.
Still, I was struggling to think about that and make a decision, mainly because my parents would never have allowed it. My father lost his head when I had double ear piercing when I was in high school, so blue hair would never be an option.
When I thought about it, there were only two reasons not to. It meant that he could no longer control his appearance, and that it is something he would never have done at his age. Both seemed quite selfish and ridiculous reasons.
So I finally made the appointment, and we told our colorist that we wanted to dye the tips, and my daughters left the place with blue and purple hair. Oops! And they couldn't be happier.
But the most interesting thing was that every woman in the place stopped to tell me that I was a good mother for allowing them to do this.
It seemed strange to me, until an older mother commented: "Young people have very little to tell about their lives, and when we give them a little, we balance the relationship. Believe me, you are intelligent in allowing them to do this."
Then, on the way home when the girls thanked me deeply, I told them this: "Remember that you thought I would say no, we talked about it, and then we came to a solution together. Before you go out and do something stupid, remember that We can always talk about it first, even if you think I'll say no. Give me the same opportunity I gave you. "
They nodded and moved their hair, and it melted my heart to see them so happy for something so small, knowing that we will probably have to face something bigger tomorrow.
I don't think I'm a good mom for letting my daughters dye their hair a different color; But, I do believe that today I was right as a mother when listening to my daughters and having consideration about something that was important to them.
Today I said yes because I feel sure there will be many "NO" in the future. And as the saying goes, today's hair will be gone tomorrow.
Whitney's post has been shared thousands of times and has received hundreds of positive comments, which applaud her decision, not only for being a flexible mother, but for the lesson she shares about stopping to listen to our children and take on Seriously the requests you have, can greatly improve our relationship with them.
Whitney's story reminded me of a similar one we shared a long time ago, in which a mother allowed her daughter to dye her hair pink, after going through a terrible accident in which she was in danger of death. The lesson she takes from that? Life is too short to say "no" all the time.
While both mothers share their experience to understand that it is a good idea to avoid saying "no" all the time, this does not mean that we should access everything. It is simply about find a small balance and perhaps also, not be very hard or fall into extremes of limits or overprotection with our children
