Difficult situations such as serious illness or death are complicated for the whole family, but children should not be left out of these facts. Why if we lie or hide serious or difficult situations to try their well-being, we could be causing the opposite effect In the kids.
Because of ignorance, there may be fear and insecurity, if there is a seriously ill person in the family environment, if the death of a loved one occurs ... children realize that something happens, but they do not understand.
It is much better to explain what happened, adapting to their level of understanding, probably without giving details, but, most importantly, letting them know that it is normal to be worried or sad about what happens, that we can talk to them about the issue whenever they want ...
In this month’s issue of Famiped electronic magazine, for information for parents of the Spanish Association of Primary Care Pediatrics, there is an emotional article that tells us about this issue, exposing a difficult situation to which concealment or lies can be counterproductive: the serious illness of the mother of some children.
I recommend your reading, because it touches on topics such as the stages of the child in the understanding of death, which we talked about a few weeks ago.
We also tell you how to talk to children about death, a difficult situation but with the same premise that follows from Famiped's article: "white lies" to children are not the most appropriate.
There are certain tips that will help parents deal with complicated issues:
You have to assimilate the news yourself, in order to transmit it in a reasonable way.
Answer the questions, wherever we are, letting the children set the pace of the conversation. It is good that they express their concern also, because in this way they will calm their restlessness.
In the case of incurable diseases, it is preferable to talk about improvement than cure, and not promise something that does not depend on us or we are not sure we can comply.
If evolution is bad, we must explain that everyone is doing everything that can be done, but things are not going well.
The question of death must be raised progressively, and it will be good to have thought about it before it occurs.
Some children remain indifferent to the situation, although inside they are probably shocked. Do not get away from them and ask if they want to hear or talk about feelings.
In short, the best is do not lie or hide difficult situations from children, and with our company and understanding, those of the family and the surrounding environment (school, friends ...) the pain will be better overcome.
