The objectives of these behavioral methods, be the one of the television nannies, the doctors who insist on considering disorders the normal and evolutionary sleep of the baby, the methods softened with the positive reinforcements look for the same objective, the frightful image of the childhood of a Tertullian who has changed the service of minors because of the screams on TV or a certain judge who has no qualms about defending the cheeks, are, in the end, getting the children to be as annoying as possible for their parents, obey rules whether these are logical or not, and deny the validity of children's feelings and his suffering
Now, when this ideology that considers the manipulator child and in need of a hard hand, he has taken the means, it is when he becomes more dangerous, because he offers disoriented parents a model of detached behavior that uses repression techniques to train children. Of course, in addition, these media methods are presented, as supported by Science and its methodology.
Behaviorism works
This does not mean that I deny that behaviorism is effective in some cases. In fact, there are therapeutic currents that use behaviorism, nuanced, to make some people acquire a better image of themselves or learn to develop healthier behavior patterns.
We could even decide to use positive reinforcement with our children, encouraging appropriate behaviors and praising them if they achieve goals agreed with them.
But, shortly after digging, it is discovered that There are no serious data to support this way of educating or raising children in general, we can rather point out that it is manipulating the behavior of normal children to ensure that, through punishment and reinforcement, they acquire the behaviors that adults have decided they should have, or, and that is more serious, to nullify the emotional expressions of a child that expresses his suffering or insecurity.
Behaviorism and parenting: the ethics of the matter
Maybe the biggest problem of behaviorism applied to parenting, either by Supernanny or by Dr. Estivill, media exponents in Spain of these techniques, is an ethical issue that no professional dedicated to human beings should always have as a guide for their actions. It might work (I doubt it), but is everything that works morally acceptable?
And, when we talk about children, professional ethics should be on the front line. First, before a father's consultation, we should ask ourselves if the father's desire is consistent with the child's needs. The end justifies the means?
A baby who cries if he doesn't sleep with his parents does it because he needs his contact to feel safe. Is the desire for privacy of the parents or the child's need for physical contact during sleep more important?
Also, when I analyze these programs and books, I perceive that they stay superficial, in modifying the child's behavior without investigating its causes, whether they are natural or an expression of an emotional or physical problem.
Let us give a new example, that of the girl who cries if her mother does not let her into the bathroom when she showers, perhaps one of the ones that most struck me by seeing, very clearly, the expression of an insecure attachment and exaggerated demands to achieve incoherent attention. Where is the problem really?
Neither ignore nor blame nor deny
I think it is obvious that in the behavior of parents and in the ambivalent attention they offered to their children, in their emotional overflow and lack of communication skills. Not in the girl. The girl only expressed this way your insecurity and your need for contact Emotional, security and respect.
Delve into what the girl feels, never denying or blaming her, never ignoring her, would be a respectful, ethical and profound approach to the causes of their behavior. The solution cannot be immediate, it cannot be to ignore tantrums or use the reward and punishment, but an in-depth analysis of the child's parental abilities and sensible and respectable emotions.
Science is demonstrating more and more today the brain and physical damage caused by fear and tension in children. The existence of behaviors conditioned by acquired helplessness, that the normal pattern of a child's sleep implies frequent awakenings and that offering an environment of respect, attention and unconditional affection is the best bet for psychological and even physical health.
If we want automatons, let's use the behavioral training methods. If we want free and healthy children, let's understand their needs and meet them.
The only thing we can say and guarantee parenting behaviorism It is that we are being shown that behaviors are conditioned by many factors (genetic, evolutionary, hormonal and environmental), and that we can modify the behavior of our children and even their health and emotions by modifying our behavior towards them.
Learning from them and for them, demonstrating and giving love, understanding what they need and the reasons for their attitudes, we can modify our behavior and be better parents.
In Babies and more | Behaviorism techniques in "parenting methods", Maternity and paternity course: we will express love, Being a good father (I), (II), (III), To be good parents there are things that can not be missed , Conscious motherhood and fatherhood
