They are called spoiled, spoiled, overly dependent or in love and they are told that they will always be like that, that they will always need their mother for everything and that a mother who allows that is too soft, too permissive and that errs in her philosophy of education. .
Are the small children who live close to their mothers, who barely separate from her when there is an event with more people than usual, who barely play with other children and who seem to need mom at all times and for everything. What to do? Is it good that they are like that? It is bad? Must remedy to keep them from always like this?
How old are we talking about?
The first thing is to define a little the age of the children we are talking about, because it is not the same to talk about a child from 2 to 4 years old than from one of 6 to 8 years old, who should already, by age, have a certain autonomy in general and being able to resolve or cope with conflicts without the presence of your mother or father.
The problem is that most of the time we talk about young children, between one and four years, more or less, precisely because it is the age at which children most need their mothers and that is exactly the age at which it is more normal for them to do so.
The problem of comparing
To get to label or label a child in love, it must be compared with other children of the same age as, either because they have another character, or because they have been taught not to need a mother (usually achieved by not paying much attention to them, so that they see that even if they ask for help they won't get too much), they are better able to be alone.
Man, the human species, is a social species by nature. We have enough space in the world to live separately and alone and yet we get together by families, neighborhoods, neighborhoods and cities (I say, and then you leave the city and you don't see a soul), and despite that we have the inexplicable need to teach children to be alone, as if the goal of every child was to be able to be an adult capable of living alone on a mountain.
Well, maybe it's not so much, maybe it's just the need for them to learn to do things alone and maybe we are so short as to think that if a two-year-old child needs his mother when he grows up it will still be that way, as if it were already late to teach them or as if it was already too late for them to learn.
Perhaps if we were better able to understand that not all people are equal, and that the best thing is that not all people are equalBecause we will hardly advance as a society and we can hardly learn anything from others, the more hustling children could continue playing without their mothers quietly and children who need more affection and who still do not feel safe could have their own learning pace and could make their own way in achieving their own personality separate from the mother and father, without anyone telling them how frightened or spoiled they are, how negative that is and how bad their parents do by allowing it. Eye, it is not something that is said to bad (normally), you know, someone close to you drops it as advice ... or reproaches you when the child does something wrong: "Of course, as you have so spoiled and spoiled, now look What happens to you".
To be independent it is necessary to be dependent before
And in the end, as almost always, everything is based on a matter of respect for children and respect for their rhythms and their growth and development. For someone to be able to do something alone, before you have to learn to do it. There are many things that one can learn by themselves and achieve independence in that matter individually, however there are many others that are learned from observation, from others, from being with someone who teaches you, from seeing how you do it to Then imitate and internalize.
It is very difficult for a child to acquire social and verbal skills if nobody speaks to him and if he does not see his parents talk to other people. It is very difficult for a child to know how to behave if he never sees his parents acting as models. That is why it is important for a child to spend time with their father and mother so that from contact with them they know people, see how they interact, what is verbal communication, which is nonverbal, how long does it take to trust someone and what are the reasons why some people are distrustful.
Gradually, as you see others talk and relate they learn to do it too and rehearse with their dolls, with other children and with other adults. Thus they begin to gain confidence with others and with themselves, thus they begin to be more sociable people and thus gradually begin to separate themselves from their mothers to become more autonomous.
I remember in more than one birthday with my children having to be playing with them for not wanting to be with other children. I remember seeing people surprised to see them so "little ways", so close to me or mom, and we so calm without urging them to go "out there to play". Time has passed and Now the weird thing is just that, be with us. That is why they are neither better nor worse children, nor were they when they were young. They simply needed more time than other children to gain confidence and be independent because not all children are equal. That is why children who live close to their mothers are children as normal as the rest and that is why they do not deserve anyone to tell them contemptuously that they have a problem called mamitis, that they are in love or that they are overprotected.
