A few weeks ago we talked about self-protection in a post for parents of children who already leave alone (without adults but in groups) of their immediate surroundings. Depending on the circumstances and possibilities, these children are generally between eight and 13 years old.
Later they acquire more autonomy, and although they are not yet entirely great, their physical and social interaction capabilities are more developed. With adolescents, parents have already given all (or almost) recommendations to prevent risky contacts with strangers, and are more focused on other aspects of their children's lives.
As you know, two or three days ago, in Ciudad Lineal there has been another alleged case of aggression by the pedophile that keeps the security forces and neighbors of this Madrid district in suspense. Before a possible encounter with an adult who wishes to harm him, the child will react better if he uses his instinct, and above all if the performance guidelines have been repeated several times.
This does not guarantee 100% the safety of the child, since this may also be conditioned by the place of the events, the presence of other people, etc; He does not fully guarantee it, but if a child believes in the right to scream and run away when he feels in danger, the risk of suffering aggressions, abuses, or of being taken away to a place he doesn't want to go, decreases.
Strange people, strangers, relatives ...?
When talking about sexual abuse, we know that in 80 percent of cases they are committed by people around them; Of course there is a percentage remaining in which the aggressor or aggressors are not known, and also they can also hurt in other ways (I guess I think the same as many of you: kidnapping).
Parents (except in unfortunate occasions) are the protectors par excellence of their children, and they are the ones who will outline which people (or what types of people) can be trusted. But I think that rather than losing ourselves in ramblings about who or who we can trust, we should establish a clear barrier to try to prevent our children from suffering harm on the part of someone who can be an unbalanced unscrupulous to whom nobody knows, or a neighbor (who does not take it badly) who had never heard anything bad but “look where, he has been abusing the girls who entered to his house to see the collection of ... "
I have put ellipses not wanting to invent hurt someone's sensibility, I have great neighbors and friends with whom I have left the children more than once; to other people I would prefer to avoid them. The point is that these things happened and happened: when a friend was a girl she left school and with her mother's permission she stayed in the house next door with the man who lived there - a neighbor - until she arrived from work. This man used to touch the little girl.
Recovering the thread (which I get lost), talking about that invisible barrier of protection:
The child has the right to refuse to be kissed, caressed, or take off your clothes (even if it is a relative).
Secrets and Secrets: Parents have the right to explain to their child the difference between good secrets (they make him feel good) and bad secrets (they oppress his heart, or cause him sadness ...). The child has to know that the good secret doesn't have to be told (parents don't care where the cabin they made this summer is); The bad secret (a contact from the Facebook account that constantly repeats being naked in front of the webcam) can make you feel much worse if you don't reveal it to your parents.
An adult who ask for help from children may have bad intentions, I know that we can except the grandfather who being all in the summer house tells the child to help him upload a package to the attic so that there is more room in the rooms, but it is not normal to resort to minors to solve a problem.
A child does not have to approach a car to see the map of the lord who asks for it, nor does he have to help unload a van, nor does he have to enter a building to hold the door of a house while the owner
- Parents must know how to detect anomalous behaviors in children, to find their cause. And they must know the origin of gifts that the children have taken home, you know that sometimes before hurting, there are people who earn the trust of children by giving them things that can make them illusion (including technology services). In general, the approach to children occurs when other adults are not present and cannot give their opinion, or give an assertive answer.
Children are growing and one of the relational skills to acquire is assertiveness, which will be very useful both in childhood and when they grow up.
- If at the time of picking up the children the parents do not attend, they will have previously given security messages to these (a small list of possible people to whom to send for the children, or precise instructions)
Children should know how to separate behavior according to whether or not their parents are present: there are hundreds of examples, and you may see some inconsistency in this. But it is not the same as a child just entering a house where someone lives who later knows that he is a depraved; For a mother to wait at the door while that lady who has gone to return a book (is known), enters with the children to the hall to give them a bunch of grapes. There are details that children do not perceive because their thinking is concrete, and while they have just defined who they are safe with and who they are not, it is better to establish a sharp separation.
Ask for help
It is better to prevent obviously, so the main advice is that while the children are young they are always under the supervision of a responsible adult. What happens is that they grow and begin to release ties, and to stay to go to buy the snack, or to the movies, or to look for friends at home.
We know that it is safer to go in a group and avoid the open fields, but these events sometimes occur in quieter places, because these aggressors know how to approach minors without raising suspicion. Just be fooled with any excuse to get close to your vehicle, or to get away from one of the group with a message supposedly sent by your parents. That is why I insist again that the safety rules must be very clear from home, and that we assure our children that they have the right to refuse, ask for help, suspect, if their instinct for
As I have commented above (and we know why they repeat it to us continuously), a child who is approached by a person trying to violate him, or force him to do something he does not want should shout for help. In case there is no approach but if you suspect or insecurity, a child should only ask for help entering a store, or going to a local police (if there is one nearby), or looking for a mother who watches her children in the park.
The confidence (that we talked about in the post linked above) is what makes a little one count it at home spontaneously or not. In case he does, we should never blame him, but rather show pride in being brave.
As for how to deal with these issues at home, it is clear that it is more beneficial to try not to convey fear, but not for that reason we must ignore the cause of our recommendations, if asked. A clear and simple answer may be that "there are people who do not love children and that is why sometimes they try to hurt."
Images | Aaron Brinker
In Peques and More | Who do children trust when they go alone on the street?
