If last week I talked about the reasons why fathers and mothers yell at their children without wishing to do so today, I will focus on other issues that arise whenever I address this issue: the reasons why we want to stop yelling at our children.
Fathers and mothers shout at their children and do not want to do it. When i ask you the reasons why they would like to stop screaming and believe that it is necessary to take that turn, they usually express common motives that, I am sure, Baby's readers and more will recognize in themselves.
To get to change this pattern and stop shouting at children is indispensableFirst of all, be clear about our motivations, because knowing these will not seem so unattainable the objective. And the goal is undoubtedly to improve communication and relationship with our children and help them develop healthily.
However, although there are very powerful and logical reasons to stop yelling at children I always want to make it clear that perfection is unattainable and that nothing hurts us more than being perfectionists. We must improve, set high goals, have high expectations about ourselves, commit, move forward, be brave ... of course, but not think that we will never fail.
Without being indulgent and wild, without continually justifying ourselves, let us admit that we are human and that, as in everything, error is an opportunity for improvement and example, when we use it as one more step towards the final objective. That said, let's see what reasons you have for Stop yelling at your children.
They are scared
The first times we shout at our children, they are paralyzed, frightened. Maybe shouting at them is a custom in the end they seem to be immunized, but that initial fear it always remains: fear of not being loved, fear of being harmed. Nobody wants to see fear in the eyes of their children.
Damage your self-esteem
That someone you love and who you depend on absolutely shouts at you, and especially if when he shouts at you he says horrible things to you, it is something that breaks self-confidence and the inner belief that we deserve to be respected and treated with education even when we commit mistakes. More clearly harmful to self-esteem than that little exists. If we make our children consent to our shouting, they may not know in the future that they deserve to be well treated by others.
It teaches them to shout to communicate
Communication is something that is learned and from whom our children will learn communication patterns will be from us above all. If we shout, clearly, we teach them that shouting is allowed and acceptable. Our children will scream. They are going to shout at us and they will end up without the ability to understand that other people do not want to be shouted at. The responsibility of teaching them that, even if you are upset, you can speak without shouting, it is ours. Then parents complain that their children scream ...
We give an example of uncontrol and violence
When we shout, we are not only teaching them that shouting is an acceptable communication standard and we normalize it, but we are a horrible example of people who lose control and use verbal violence when they are disturbed, being aggressive and showing us as unable to control anger and express it without harming them. As an example, lousy. It is guaranteed that they will repeat it.
It makes us feel guilty
The truth is that, whatever the style of parenting and the ideas about education, after shouting at the children the fathers and mothers feel fatal, very guilty, very disappointed with themselves. Guilt is of no use If you do not transform it into a commitment to improvement and responsibility We must ask the children for forgiveness and explain what happened to us and, in addition, redirect the initial conflict so that they can also change. Not shouting is not letting children do dangerous or harmful things to them, it is not raising children without limits, it is simply helping them without using verbal violence.
It teaches them that we are only serious if we shout
In addition, if we shout at them and they learn what it is when we scream when we really demand attention and that they obey us, because they will only attend and pay attention when we shout. We must redirect the situations to break that scheme, approaching, speaking at their height, with peace of mind, so that they learn again that the scream is not the turning point.
Build an insane relationship and take us away from them
In the long run, if the way to manage conflicts with children is to shout at them, we are going to take them away from us, to teach them that they should deceive us, to feel alone and not to trust that we will help and guide them when they are wrong in life. We have an insane relationship and we will be emotionally estranged.
Adolescence is a wonderful time of life, I am enjoying it with my son, whom I fully trust and with whom I deal with conflicts with mutual respect. But I don't even want to imagine what kind of relationship we would have if there wasn't learned to stop yelling at him and I don't want that for you or your children either.
Life is very long and I am sure that, if you understand the reasons to stop yelling at your children, you can have a fluid, respectful, trustworthy and mutual growth relationship. Isn't that what you want?
