One of the things I emphasize a lot when I talk to a couple who is about to have a baby is in how hard and tired it is to be a father and be a mother. I do it (and I insist on it when I do pre-delivery talks) because I have the feeling that most people omit that data when they talk about babies, it seems that everything will be happiness, laughter and joy and couples get along a slap of huge reality in the first days and weeks.
Come on, who usually think that being parents is like starting to see little stars of color, feeling little anticks in the stomach and living like in a world of magic in which your baby is adorable and the reality is that the stars see them while they walk to the Baby at night, ants imagine them everywhere because of lack of sleep and the magic goes away after a few days. What I come to say is that having a child would be wonderful and perfect if they slept all night.
The biggest complaint of recent parents
Why has a person who has written a horrible book in which he recommends letting babies cry at night has sold millions of books? Very easy: because the parents have a very bad time. It is, I think, the biggest complaint of recent parents. They cannot sleep, they do not rest well, the dream pursues them during the day, they catch them at night and when they should rest they not only do not do it, but they also accumulate more sleep and fatigue.
Thus, day after day, night after night, to the point that they begin to act as automatons with no more objective than to fully satisfy their baby. Anything as long as you rest a little. Whatever he wants, as long as he falls asleep, he doesn't cry, he doesn't bother. Defeated Exhausted Lovers of his son, of his baby, whom they love madly, but with that feeling of "this is not what I expected."
Because they hoped that everything would be wonderful, that everything was perfect, that love would overflow with every corner of the house, but what overflows is the wrist pain of having the baby in arms, the contracture in the back of sleeping giving him the tit, see that it is already ten o'clock at night and the house is upside down and the mental exhaustion of seeing (I am talking about who goes to work) that it takes two hours for the alarm to sound and you have barely rested.
When parents consider it a problem
"It's very good, sleep very well," say those whose baby eats, shits and sleeps. "Uff, I have come out very crying," say those whose baby eats, shits, sleeps and cries, being more demanding. One is the good one, the other is not. One is normal, the other is not. Sorry? Do not… the normal is the second. Well, I lie: the first one too, but it's an exception.
But what happens when you think your child is not normal? Something's going on, there's a problem, you feel you have to do something to fix it. You get the slap of reality, but you don't accept it. "I'm exhausted, cry a lot." "I can't anymore, he wakes up three times at night." "It has consumed me, breast every two hours." "He just wants arms." "I leave him in his crib and he doesn't sleep."
If you look, everything I just explained is done by most babies. What happened? That to that mother and that father nobody told them what normal babies are like. Nobody told them that they eat often, that they wake up several times at night (sometimes many more times than three), that many do not sleep if it is not in their arms and that being alone does not motivate them at all.
No one told them what it was like to have a baby. That is why I insist so much on trying to explain it, so that they are advised, because if you keep it in mind, if at least you can imagine a tad what it will be, you will know what to expect.
If they slept all night
So once you know that every day is very hard, once you accept it, once you start to find solutions to problems and parents and baby you are connecting more and more and you get to know each other, and as parents finally admit that It is harder than they thought, but they decide to put all the meat on the grill and throw forward, you realize that there is something you can not easily solve: the nights.
And that is precisely the biggest problem. Because if you got up rested you could face the day to day, whatever falls, with the energy of who sees a new day dawn with new batteries. But that doesn't happen, not normally, so every day you seem a little more tired, your dark circles get lower, your hair loses more shine and your skin is paler. And what are you doing? As you assume, you realize that everyone likes your baby when he laughs and is happy, but when he cries and does not sleep it is your business. Yes, it has to be that way, but hey, you expected a little more support, a little more presence from all those who were so happy to see your belly and were so glad for the arrival of a new member to the family. Where is the tribe?
And if he slept at least all night, or if he only woke up once ... What if he did at least six or seven hours in a row? Or at least five? Four? So at least you would sleep more, you would know when you woke up where you are, you would know if it is day or night and you would feel like having another baby in not much time. But so, in these conditions, my mother, "anyone gets." If they were a few hours in a row ... It would be so wonderful and perfect!
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | How hard it is to be a father when the environment does not support you (I) and (II), Being a father: nobody said that having a child was easy, why is it so hard to have children?
