When the baby is born all women have the so-called "maternity leave", the duration of which varies according to the country. In Spain we have 16 weeks, which is a completely insufficient time if we take into account that the baby has not yet reached four months, that it is still very small and totally dependent and that it is advisable to drink breast milk for 6 months exclusively .
Given this situation, there are many women who value the possibility of take a leave to take care of the baby. The ones that do it, the ones that finally do it, then find themselves in a somewhat surprising situation: some of their companions they are happy for them and encourage them and others, even if they don't say it openly, they criticize them: "Do they think they are better mothers for spending more time with their babies?"
How does it work to get you a leave of absence
Once the maternity leave has been exhausted, which many women extend with the hours of breastfeeding and even the days of vacations they had left to enjoy, the woman must decide whether to return to work and leave the baby in the care of the father (if possible ) or a third person. Exclusive breastfeeding can only be maintained if the milk has been extracted and that, from the food, becomes one of the mother's greatest concerns: will she eat? Will not eat? Will you take the bottle? What will you think when you eat from the hands of a person who is not me?
And yet, it is not really the worst of his worries. That dubious honor takes him the woman's guilt, the feeling of abandoning her baby, of leaving him even though she still needs him, of leaving him even though she needs him too. A relationship of love, affection and responsibility that has been taking place for months now, suddenly, cut it off because the society establishes it that way. And in his head a fight begins between what he must do and what he wants to do, what he considers to be correct and what he feels he must do, what society asks him, or his checking account, and what his baby.
Because the baby we already know what he needs, as we know what the mother needs, to be together, but society asks him to return to his job, some relatives too (how else will he become a super mother, if not mother and worker at the same time?) and often, as I say, the checking account, that "if for me it was not going to work, but I have to do it or they throw us out of the house".
Among all, there are a few who have been able to save before, or who have a better situation and can do so, and are eligible leave of absence. In the case of childcare (because it exists for the care of other relatives), the company is requested in writing and is a permit in which you stop working for the time you need as long as the child is under 3 years old . It can be taken all the time followed or divided, a few months yes, a few months no, pick it up again, etc.
During that time No charge, the company has no obligation to pay you, but it does keep you, at least during the first year of leave, or 15-18 months in case you have a large family. After that time you lose your job but on the way back you are entitled to another job in the same category or equivalent.
When the companions rejoice and support you
As happens everywhere, there are those who have loving, kind, empathetic and understanding coworkers and who have toxic coworkers. The first are the ones that rejoice when you tell them that you are expecting a baby, they are the ones that make the moment of delivery known, notifying that you have already had the baby and those that are going to see you or have a detail (or at least congratulate you via mobile ).
So, when it's time to go back to work, you tell them that you've decided not to do it, not to come back (or the boss or boss tells you) and rejoice or see it logical: "Of course, if the baby is still very small," "of course, take advantage of all the time you can," "how lucky she can do it, I would have liked to be able to do the same."
They know that you will not be, maybe they will have a little more work because of your absence, but they understand the situation and the moment, and they are aware that they could do something similar in the future or that, if they could, they would have done the same.
When the companions criticize you
They say two wise phrases that "It never rains to everyone's taste" and that "Whatever you do, they will criticize you", so in the same way that some companions will be happy, there are some that will criticize you. They are toxic coworkers, known for being people who usually feel undervalued, who stand out little and who, to shine as workers, do not choose to perform their duties better, but for try to make others see that the rest works less or worse.
In case you ask for a leave of absence, your first comments will appear complaining about having to do the work that you stop doing because you are not working, because they have put a substitute to be taught or because they think you are sending indirectly a message to all those who do not take leave of absence: "Does she think she is a better mother for spending more time with her baby?". Because of course, they came back when he played, when they finished their leave, they did the right thing and their baby loves them very much, and they also love them very much, but you go and uncheck yourself working less and spending more time with your baby ... and what worse, there are companions who see it perfect!
So they will complain about your absence and do not believe yourself, they will also complain when you return, because it will turn out that without you they will have been great, that they will hardly have missed you and that the substitute will have done it the same or better than you. Come on, your return will be another problem because you have to catch up on everything. "Super mother? No, daughter, no. You will believe that for having spent more time with your baby, as if she were going to thank you or something, if they do not remember you were with them ... super mother is me that after four months I started working and I had to combine the care of the baby, the house and the work and look at me, here I am. "
And the coworkers?
There are also coworkers, right? Well, there will be everything, there will be those who rejoice and those who criticize, surely, but as a general rule men usually get little into these matters, basically because when they return to work they do not have the feeling of guilt of every mother, since they are not usually the main caretakers of the baby, it is usual that they are the ones who do or do not return to work and, consequently, do not feel indirectly noted.
Come on, although it is sad to say, women have two clear enemies when it comes to reconciling work and family life: laws and the other women.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | How sad to be criticized for taking care of your children, and parents, do not reconcile their work life with the family? Images of everyday life when parents enjoy a 16 month permit
