I don't know about you, but one of my biggest concerns when I knew I would have a child was about my ability to be a good father. I thought that I would not be able, I thought that I would not know how to take care of my children, I thought that I would not be able to live up to it. Over time and with perspective I realized that it is normal to feel that way because when you are a father it is the first moment in which a tiny person becomes your responsibility.
What you do or stop doing will depend largely on your happiness and your way of being, and in a way it will become a reflection of what you see, so that's why, so that tomorrow you can say that you have good children we explain today the 11 things you should keep in mind to be good parents.
1. The tips are fine, but it is babies who know what they need
When you are first time, you are very grateful for all the advice they give you, but soon you start to make a mess, because some people tell you things that others do not recommend, and in the end they contradict themselves. In fact, it is that even medical professionals contradict each other, because some tell you not to let him cry and others say yes, that nothing happens to them.
In the end, the one with the baby at home is you, so if you want, try what they recommend, but if you see that it doesn't work, something else butterfly, The only one who knows what you really need is your baby. And no, they don't need instruction manual. If a translator, that the first days would be great. But if you do it, if you look at him, you listen to him and try to decipher what he wants to tell you, you quickly understand him.
In Babies and more The seven definitive tips to educate your children (according to Harvard psychologists)2. Put yourself in your place whenever you can
Empathy is a very useful exercise that would help a lot to make the world a better place. Most people tend to judge others early and too lightly, probably to prove to themselves that they would do better, without trying to put themselves in the place of another. You have to be in the shoes of others to know why they do what they do, and in the case of babies and children, it is worth it try to understand why they cry, get angry and ask for what they ask.
3. Do not replace the lack of time with gifts
We have become accustomed to giving things to make others happy and show them how much we love them, but the gifts can be empty of feeling if there is nothing behind. "I love you so much and that's why I buy you all this" does not work for children, because what they need is to spend time with parents: "I love you very much and that's why I spend a lot of time with you, and I buy you some detail from time to time because I feel like giving you something."
If we substitute love for material things, they will become materialistic and superficial. Therefore, the following is derived from this advice: spend a lot of time with your child.
In Babies and more, seven simple everyday gestures that will make your children happier4. Spend a lot of time with your child
Because rubbing makes love, both ways, you have to take as much time as possible to be with them. Talk to them, explain things, stories, live adventures, etc. Of course there will be times when they will want to play alone and be for other things, or that we also need time to do something, but you have to spend time with them and have fun and have fun, and tell them stories, and make them feel one more family. Many of the big problems of children who have bad behavior come as a wake-up call because they don't feel valued or loved enough.
5. Let it grow
It is normal for a baby not to know how to do things and for us to do everything, but it is not normal for us to continue doing it when he is, for example, 3 or 4 years old. At that age they are perfectly capable of dressing, undressing, eating alone and many other things. If we extend the "I do it because that way I go faster" we will become your servants and they in less autonomous children, so let them grow, let them try and let them give free rein to their desire to learn.
6. Arm yourself with patience and do not hit or punish him
Because of the two, the adult is you. And that means that it is you who has the best ability to reason and find solutions to convey the message that you want to convey, and it is not positive to make him learn through pain or humiliation. It is not good, nor logical, to learn important things in that way, but from a more positive and practical position, through dialogue and through example.
Let's say it's always better for them to be good people because they feel they must be like that, not that they are because they feel that if they cease to be someone will punish them.
7. Loves and respects the couple
It seems obvious, but a good father (or a good mother) must also be a good couple, because the child has a father and a mother and the relationship with the child will always be better if the relationship between them is good. And if it isn't, because the couple is broken, respect must remain present, because we continue to be their referents and continue to learn from us and how we interact with others. Imagine what a child should feel that sees the two people he loves most in the world hurt each other.
8. Be a good example
Be a better person. Be a good example. They learn more from what they see than from what you tell them, so it is very important to be the person you want your children to be. The "do what I say, not what I do", is funny in certain situations, but reprehensible in others and a real danger that can undermine our authority. Any day you can tell us "yes, of course, you want me to do this but then you don't do it!", And we won't have arguments to answer.
9. Recognize your flaws in him
The good thing about copying our actions is that if we are better people, if we are good examples, they can become too. The bad, that they are also able to copy our defects, and it can be curious to see that they do what we do and we shouldn't (or would not like). If they behave in a certain way because we do it (if for example we have a more nervous time and shout more about the bill, it is possible that they also start shouting more about the bill), it is worth doing a little introspection and thinking that of "my mother, is behaving like me", and instead of recriminating it, try to change us.
10. Listen to him, a lot
Communication is the pillar of a good relationship between parents and children, so it is worth it to spend time and I heard you. And that you do it with attention, so that you feel understood and heard, and a good communication relationship is established. If you don't listen to him, if you just nod while thinking about other things, there will come a day when he won't even bother to tell you things, and maybe he'll run out of telling you something important that might be happening to him.
11. Value your decisions and opinions
I don't want to say with it that you do what I tell you, but when you have an opinion or make a decision, listen to him and let him know that it seems important that he explain it to you. If you can't do what you want, explain why calmly, offering your arguments. In this way you will start a relationship full of negotiations in which you will learn to dialogue, negotiate and get things one way or another, or to understand why you cannot get them. With everything, You will learn to think and find solutions to the possible problems that you encounter in life, something that many adults have not yet learned to do.
