There are many doubts that arise around child sexuality. When do children begin to be aware of their sexual identity? When can the first signs of transsexuality appear? How do we address the issue in the family? We will try to answer these questions from a scientific point of view, and we will talk about how we can help a transgender child from the family environment.
Between 18 months and 3 or 4 years (approximately) children become aware of their body and anatomical differences between boys and girls. According to Félix López, a psychologist and researcher, although sexual identity awareness appears at this age, it is not until (around) 6 or 7 years old when it becomes stable, that is, the child understands that it will last over time.
Along the same lines, the Group of Identity and Sexual Differentiation of the Spanish Society of Endocrinology and Nutrition (GIDSEEN) indicates that “it is not until 6-7 years when it is considered more stabilized and always according to three components, the label of gender (reality of being a boy or girl), gender stability (feeling that this gender will not change over time) and gender consistency (feeling of stability regardless of physical appearance) ”.
What is gender identity? Is it the same as orientation?
It is common to confuse and / or mix the concepts, but these are completely different aspects: sexual identity It is the identification with a sex (woman, man). The sexual orientation It is to whom we direct our desire - who attracts us - (heterosexual, homosexual, etc.). And the gender roles, are behaviors that socially (that is, are constructs) are linked to one of the two sexes, which we establish as "typical" of one or the other.
Why is it important to differentiate these concepts? Because one thing is "who I am and who I feel I am" and another very different is who I direct my affections to, or what behaviors I like more or less. Children are constantly developing, they are learning about them and about the world, they ask questions, they ask us questions, and we must seek and recognize what is behind them to ensure their well-being.
Within the "standard" evolutionary development of children it is very possible (and frequent) that ask us about your genitals, if they will change or if they will stay that way, if they grow up they will be like dad's or mom's ... It is also possible that one day they appear wanting to dress as princess or gentleman, whether they are girls or boys.
The cross gender behaviors they are those that a child develops and that are "typical of the opposite gender". The appearance of these behaviors leads some parents to consider issues such as the identity and sexual orientation of their children, but they are not indicative per se of anything, they are games and toys, just that. In these cases there are no more indications than to normalize, naturalize and participate with him / her in your game. Judge, label or reject these behaviors Not only is it not useful, but it will also make the little one feel bad: if he plays these things it is because he feels like it and finds it fun, so it is worth asking what is wrong with it (we are the adults who put in many times the connotations of the activities, not them).
The Group of Identity and Sexual Differentiation of the Spanish Society of Endocrinology and Nutrition points out that cross-gender behaviors “are not equivalent to gender dysphoria; in fact, the majority of minors with a behavior that does not conform to gender do not turn out to have a transgender identity. ” That is, the data available indicate that only a small part of children who show “typical of the opposite gender” behaviors are transsexual.
When do we talk about transgender children?
When they show so persistent their identification with the “opposite” sex, when an obvious rejection of their genitals (and of the gender roles linked to it) endures over time. They are children who refer to themselves as a girl (in the case of boys) and vice versa, and they reject in a frontal way when they are called of the sex of which their genitals are. Their behaviors are those of the “opposite” sex, and not sporadically as I said before, but they form a stable pattern.
We talk about cases in which it is not about isolated behaviors (as explained in previous paragraphs) or temporary, they are not sporadic questions or specific comments, but behaviors and manifestations consistent and stable over time. This is key.
Age of appearance: According to Juana Martínez Tudela, a specialist in Clinical Psychology of the Gender Identity Unit of the Carlos Haya Hospital in Malaga, behaviors and manifestations may appear at five years of age or even earlier. Some experts indicate that at two or three years there may be signs, as it is the age at which they begin to develop their sexual identity.
Some of these signals can be:
- Rejection of the assigned gender: affirmations such as “I am a girl” may appear in the case of boys, and vice versa, statements that are stable over time and persistent.
- Name: it is frequent that they demand that they be called with a name of the “opposite” sex, and that they call themselves with it.
- Clothing: strong rejection of the typical clothes of his gender and persistent desire to dress with the typical dress of the felt sex.
- Game: they feel more comfortable, look for and develop games that are socially established as belonging to the opposite genre
- Preference by friends of the gender with which he identifies
Data: There are no reliable statistics on the child population yet, but the latest data on adults, according to E. Gómez Gil, indicate that the incidence is one in 11,900 men and one in 30,400 women.
A study conducted at the Medical University of Vienna and published in the renowned Journal of Neuroscience indicates that transsexuality could have a biological basis. The results indicate that there are significant differences between men and women in the microstructure of brain connections, and that these connections in transgender people would be in an intermediate position between both sexes.
This same study determines that there is a potent relationship between neural networks and levels, for example, of testosterone, which would indicate, according to Rupert Lanzenberger, responsible for this research, that sexual identity is reflected in neural networks and that these are modulated by Sex hormones
Today, transsexuality is not considered pathological
In the DSM-V, the latest version of the most widely used and reputed clinical diagnostic manual, Transexuality is no longer considered as a disorder, as was the case with Homosexuality back in the 1970s (specifically since 1973). What if contemplated is gender dysphoria: when there is discomfort and anguish for not identifying with your assigned male or female gender.
The rate of mental pathologies in children who claim to be transgender is not higher than the average: the transgender condition does not carry a higher rate of, for example, depression. What can occur is the suffering caused by the feeling of not adapting to the assigned sex, called by the DSM-V as Gender dysphoria, which in the case of the kids can translate into anxiety, stress, nightmares, not wanting to go to school, withdrawal, retreat in the evolutionary milestones reached (such as peeing in WC), etc. and suffering for social rejection and harassment that they may experience in their environment.
A recent study by researchers from the University of Washington (USA) concludes that children who have performed the social transition, that is, that they are treated according to the sex with which they identify, and that they have family support, have a depression rate exactly the same as the population average in their age ranges. The discomfort, for example anxiety and even depression, in many cases is marked by the rejection of the environment (mainly the family) or the constant questioning of their emotions, feelings and ideas.
What can we parents do?
Given the possible signs, behaviors or manifestations that make us think that something may be happening, we must try to remain calm (do not be alarmed or label inbound), as well as seek information and, above all, talk to the child and meet Well, what happens to you, what do you think, how do you feel, how old are you (emotions do not understand years). Whatever happens, the well-being of children is greater when they have an environment of trust, when they can express their emotions, ideas and feelings freely without feeling judged (this is applicable to sexuality, tastes, ideas about the world , to all areas of life).
Juana Martínez Tudela, specialist in Clinical Psychology of the Gender Identity Unit of the Carlos Haya Hospital in Malaga points out the need for ensure that the child's development occurs in the best possible way, "And there all the agents related to the child must be involved: the parents, the school, the laws and also the health", in the case of transsexuality we must "accompany this transition to be as problematic as possible, establishing limits so you can grow without being in conflict all the time. "
Manuel Ródenas, coordinator of the Information and Attention Program for Transsexuals of the Community of Madrid, points out as positive guidelines, among others:
- Accept the son, showing him unconditional love
- Rethink traditional gender stereotypes, not forcing the child to behave like a "traditional child" If not what you feel.
- Search resources for support and advice.
- Work together with the school so that the treatment and conditions of the child are the best possible and the context be respectful and supportive.
Sometimes parents, fear, anxiety and even guilt may appear. On many occasions that suffering is due both to the fact itself (and not knowing how to proceed) and to the fear for everything that the child will have to face (adaptation in the school, acceptance of friends and family, etc.). ). Since it is a complex process in which the welfare of the child will be at stake, whatever it may be, think what we think, the main thing is show you our support, respect and love and accompany you on the road, wherever you go.
Go to a professional: If there are doubts, if you do not know how to proceed or address the issue, there are professionals who can help you. Regarding the role of psychologists, the American Psychological Association concludes in a document prepared regarding transsexuality in minors (Guidelines for Psychological Practice With Transgender and Gender Nonconforming People) that the psychologist's job It happens to help the little ones (and the families) in their path of discovery, exploration and determination of gender identity. It is also recommended in this guide that if the psychologist's values are in conflict with those of the family, it is advisable to transfer the case to another professional, in case of possible interference (and therefore negative impact) that this could cause. Finally, This institution determines that the ideal is to assess each case individually, given the variability between cases.
For more information:
American Psychological Association, issues about Transsexuality
Chrysallis Association (Association of families of transgender minors)
Gender Identity Unit (Madrid)
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