Long ago that food is not only what we put into our mouths in order to nourish ourselves, but also to enjoy, savor and somehow have a good time giving the palate and stomach a bit. This use of food for our own enjoyment leads us, to many parents, to use it sometimes with our children, falling into the mistake of using it as a prize, and more if we talk about less healthy food.
And it is that often, when talking about junk food, very processed foods or rich in sugars, adults say something like "No, no, this I do not give it to my son. Only as a reward from time to time ", without realizing that they are playing with fire.
Never punish with food
Before talking about food as a reward, we are going to comment on another quite common mistake, which is to carry out a punishment, also with food in between. I'm not talking about what seems more obvious and that I think nobody does: "Well, since you have behaved badly, today we make vegetables." I don't talk about it because just reading the phrase we all see clearly that it is nonsense. How are you going to punish someone by feeding them something they don't like, and that is healthy? Not only will he never want to try it again, but also that "he is healthy" will start to sound bad.
Moreover, the "Well, since you have not eaten it, I will take it out again for a snack, and for dinner, and for breakfast," is another serious mistake that not only does not help to establish good habits, but that causes phobias, rejections and hobbies with certain foods, when turning the moment of eating into a time of suffering, of pulse and confrontation, and of obligation.
When I talk about punishments I mean, above all, the withdrawal of certain unhealthy foods as punishment for some behavior that we consider inappropriate: "Well, tonight you have run out of dessert," "Well, I don't buy candy anymore," "Well, everyone we will eat cake less you "," We were going to go to the burguer, but we are not going anymore ". By launching these messages we are creating a positive association towards those foods that should be consumed very occasionally; Well, rather, the ideal thing would be if we never ate them, but we don't live in an ideal world and occasionally "sin."
What I want to say is that by telling you these things, we are informing you that desserts, candies, cakes, pastries and fast food are good things that can be deserved or deserved, depending on your behavior. If they are good children, they can eat them. If they are not good, if they let us down, then no.
The same happens if we give them as a prize
It is exactly the same thing that happens when we offer them as a reward: "If you behave well I buy you candies", "As you have made a good note we go to the burguer", "As you have listened to me you can eat dessert", "How do you you have finished everything, you have a bigger piece of cake. "
To get started, education with awards and punishments is perverse, because it focuses on the actions of children in the possibility of receiving a prize, or in the possibility of receiving a punishment. Both things are external motivations that we add adults, that we become judges and executors of penalties or who give the prize. Thus, children tend to find ways to please us so that we reward them, and to avoid behaviors that we consider negative so that we do not punish them.
What happens the day we no longer reward them? Well, they may lose interest in continuing to do what they did before to get something. And what happens the day we are not ahead to practice as judges? Well, they will have the freedom to do what you want, because "as my father does not see me, he cannot punish me".
Well, with the food the same thing happens, with an aggravating factor, the food that they should hardly consume insanely becomes something positive, a prize, a milestone to be achieved, a goal to enjoy, and it is extolled, in their eyes, as a relatively "magical" food: "As I can barely have it, the more I look forward to it." Come on, if in your fight to get your prize you ask a child what he wants most in the world, the same thing tells you that he can eat all the candies that exist, or live in a city made of chocolate, or Eat cakes until they burst. And it will not be so much for the taste, but also because will have learned from us what is difficult to achieve, and that is something we eat because we are good and deserving of it.
Until you eat lentils, you don't eat dessert
And then there is the prize and punishment in the same sentence. When you consider that you should eat more than the first or second dish, and that until you finish it you cannot move to the less healthy food. Why do we do that? Well, precisely because we know that dessert is less healthy, and we are worried that he will eat little of the former, to fill himself with the latter.
With this, what we achieve is exactly the same: that the lentil, the vegetable or whatever it is eating is not funny, and that focus attention on that dessert that awaits you. Or does someone say it the other way around ?: As you don't eat all the dessert, tonight I don't give you the zucchini puree. No ... no one insists that children eat what they should not eat, but we do insist on the healthy and leave freedom to eat the unhealthy. It has logic, but it is dangerous.
Now, what would happen if that dessert were a fruit? Does anyone tell a child to finish the dish before eating it? Usually not. In fact, many children (and many people) eat dessert before eating. I do it often: a fruit before continuing with food. Wouldn't we think the same if you first put a piece of cake or some cookies?
And so?
Well, as when we educate them we try not to depend on rewards and punishments, helping them internalize the norms and values of society so that they are their own judges (Let them decide how to act in each moment, according to their scale of values, and not to be rewarded or avoid being punished), with food we have to do something similar.
Teach them what is healthy food and what is unhealthy, and be consistent with what we want them to learn, when making the purchase and when feeding at home. If we want our children to eat healthy, we have to buy healthy and eat healthy. Thus, if you do not have industrial pastries, processed, sweets and everything we do not want them to eat, it is clear that they will not be able to eat it. And I'm not talking about hiding it ... it's not necessary either. Just do not buy it and, if you ask, explain why you do not buy.
What if at home there are such foods? Or if we occasionally buy? Well do it making it clear that it is not a prize, and that you have simply bought it for no apparent reason, or because yes, because that day feels like it, period, but having all clear that it is something punctual.
Every now and then I feel like eating ice cream. Well, I eat it without feeling like I'm rewarding myself for something or anything like that. Then weeks or months go by until I try another. Well with children the same. From time to time, if you want, or if it coincides that they have gone to eat at the house of someone who offers it, they are fed by explaining that it's an exception, and it's not healthy. That by eating it one day once in a while nothing happens, but that if we did it it could often affect our health.
If in addition to this we teach them to be critical with labeling, with deceptive advertising and with marketing techniques, which are the best foods, which are the worst, what harm can they do to us and what are the economic interests behind each creation edible, they will learn a truth that will serve them the rest of their lives: Real food doesn't need to be manufactured or advertised on TV.
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