The high sensitivity is a Personality trait present in two out of ten people, regardless of sex. It is described as an inherited characteristic that affects the further development of the neuro-sensory system, according to the Spanish Association of People with High Sensitivity (APASE).
One of the features manifested by children with high sensitivity is a intense emotionality when facing certain situations and feelings. "My son is very intense", some mothers say, surprised by this peculiar feature. Today we wanted to give voice and visibility to several mothers of children with high sensitivity and emotionality that often, and as many say, do not feel understood or supported by their environment.
Characteristics of people with high sensitivity
According to APASE, and based on research conducted by the American psychologist Elaine Aron who was the first to investigate high sensitivity, people with this personality trait they have a finer and more developed neuro-sensory system than most people, which leads them to "feel" (in the broad context of the word) more intensely.
"My daughter goes from the greatest joy to the deepest sorrow, as if she were a teenager. When he is sad, he cries and throws himself on the ground, but not in a tantrum plan but in a melodramatic plan. But what really worries me is when those emotions are anger or anger, because it is hard for them to manage them "- explains Anouk, mother of a 4-year-old girl.
Children with high sensitivity share, to a greater or lesser degree, the following characteristics:
1) They are reflective and prefer routine
These children They process the information they receive very intensely and deeply. This leads them to go around the issues a lot before making a decision, since they value all possible options, as well as the pros and cons.
Sara, Elena's mother of four and a half years tells us this way:
"My daughter is continually asking me what would happen if instead of doing something in one way we do it differently. And when I try to give her an answer she opens another question. Her questions are endless, it's like a tree full of branches. : from one doubt another and another arises, and another ... "
"Always wants to know all possible alternatives, the pros and cons of the decisions we make, and even takes into account any external factor that other people may not find a conditioning factor for decision making; but for her it is. I recognize that there are times that I find exhausting "
On the other hand, children with high sensitivity love the routine because it makes them feel safe. The changes do not like: react to them in an intense and negative way and generates great anxiety, especially if they are sudden and have not been previously informed of them.
Xiomara, mother of a child of almost five years, explains how her son lives any changes that may occur in his daily routine:
"Routine changes are fatal and make you very nervous. School trips, for example, cause fear and anxiety. He cries so much that he even causes cough and vomiting "
"He you need to always know if there is going to be any change in your daily routine. In the case of excursions, we overcame it last quarter because I went with him and in the end he ended up relaxing and enjoying himself, but he often asks several times what we will do next. You need to have everything under control. "
"When everything has happened, it helps to see that nothing has happened and I continually reinforce it with ideas such as," Did you see how well you had a good time? "," I enjoyed seeing you laugh with such a friend ", or" you I saw when you did such a thing and it turned out great. "I also try to explain that the fear of change is normal and can happen to everyone, but we can't let that fear stop us from enjoying."
Jenni, Isaac's mother of nine years, tells us how a simple bus trip can cause your child a great state of nerves and anxiety:
"He gets nervous and asks me to hold hands because he is afraid. But it is not fear, but anxiety if there is any change in the routine you know, in case we stop or do not arrive on time. I give it to him and I have patience with him. I help him in what I can "
2) They perceive a lot of stimuli
Children with high sensitivity perceive such amount of stimuli, both sensory and emotional, that can overestimate them. In addition, due to their fine neuro-sensory system they have a special ability to detect details of the environment that surely go unnoticed to other people.
Overstimulation of information can cause blockages and vehement reactions, such as cries or tantrums. Therefore, when they are babies, they tend to cry intensely when faced with situations such as visits or excessive noise.
"As a baby, my daughter has come to spend so many hours crying that we have ended up taking her to the hospital because we thought something was wrong" - recalls Andrea, mother of a 6 and a half year old girl with high sensitivity.
As they grow, overstimulation can also startle them, and generate anxiety. This is what María, Tiaré's mother of four years, tells:
"One day they released a firecracker in the street, without waiting for it, and my daughter was scared and anxious for half an hour. Until she saw that nothing was happening and that everything around her was on a normal course, she did not remain calm."
3) They have high emotionality and empathy
High sensitivity is linked to high emotionality. All emotions express them in an exaggerated way, from happiness to sadness or anger. Some mothers define their children as "roller coasters of emotions", since they can go from the most overwhelmed joy to the most infinite grief in a moment.
"My daughter is especially intense when she gets angry. The other day, after screaming and crying for a long time, she started hurting herself as a exaggerated manifestation of anger I had"- Anouk explains.
On the other hand Alejandra, Ivan's mother of nine years, tells us that her son does not live so exaggeratedly the emotions of anger and anger, as if those of joy.
"When he is happy, my son needs to show it to everyone. He does it screaming, jumping, whistling, talking non-stop or with hugs that come to squeeze you. Likewise, when he arrives at a new place he doesn't know, that nervousness manifests him intensely trying to prove to everyone that he wants to be his friend "
And it is precisely this high emotionality that causes them a special ability to listen and empathize with others. They suffer intensely for the injustices and the pain of others, be it the pain of another person, an animal or even a fictional character through a movie.
Jenni, gives us a very clear example of certain situations that she has sometimes lived with her son when they have gone to the movies:
"With certain films my son suffers a lot. With" Arlo's trip "he cried a lot and suffered because, according to him, the character suffered a lot of injusticesHe was alone and bad things were happening to him. While in the room we listened to children laughing when the protagonist fell into the mud, for example, he cried because that situation deeply distressed him "
Meanwhile, Alejandra details us your child's empathic ability, which leads him to live and suffer intensely for others:
"Feel the negative emotions of others very muchHe suffers them and makes them his own. He is able to sacrifice whatever is necessary as long as others do not suffer. That's great, but it's important to make him see that he can't fix the world by himself, because he really feels responsible for everything and everyone. In addition, they are affected by injustices and can not stand for another person to feel bad "
Fany, Diego's mother of seven years, tells us that his son suffers a lot with the criticism of the environment and that his high emotional sensitivity makes him need continuous support from the people around him:
"Diego is highly sensitive. He is not able to say" I love you "without getting excited, for example. In addition, criticism affects him a lot and he needs to feel loved, supported, clothed and continuously understood."
4) High sensory sensitivity
And the last of the typical characteristics of children with high sensitivity is its high sensory sensitivity. They get to perceive very intensely through the five senses, and they are also able to feel the emotional state of the people around them.
For this reason, they are children to whom certain noises, lights, flavors, smells and touch causes rejection, and they manifest it with cries, discomfort and repulsion. Often, mothers say that their children feel uncomfortable with clothing labels or seam socks, for example.
This is explained by Patricia, mother of a six-year-old girl:
"Note all the labels of the clothes. It is an ordeal. We have to cut them and to try on clothes in stores you can't imagine the one that bundles. You don't want to prove anything that has labels!"
In addition, Patricia's daughter is also especially sensitive to noise, as happens to Lucas, the little one from Montse:
"Now he starts tolerating something else, but as a child we had to flee from sites with background noise. I remember a day when we were at the beach and it started to rain. We took refuge under some covered tents in which there was a recreation area. In the end we had to get out of there because I couldn't stand the noise of the recreational machines "- explains Patricia
"My son Lucas really misses noises. For example, I have never been able to use the hair dryer with it because it gets hysterical, but not because the air bothers him but because he can't stand the noise, nor does the vacuum of the vacuum. It is the same with the carousel; at the moment when the carousel has a little mosque, he rides an impressive paddle. It is so exaggerated that last time, the trader gave us the money back "- says Montse.
The misunderstanding of the environment
Although the term "high sensitivity" began to be studied by Elaine Aron in 1995, still today there is much ignorance about it, and some parents with highly sensitive children feel lost in managing the emotions their children experience and manifest.
On some occasions, both people with high sensitivity and their families suffer from being so sensitive and feel misunderstood by the environment.Some mothers They say they have heard unpleasant and very critical comments, both by the school, as family or friends. These comments are sometimes directed specifically at children for their behavior, and others are critical of parents for their parenting model.
Anouk tells us that sometimes people blame the exaggerated behavior of their daughter in certain situations on a subject of jealousy towards her brother. And Jenni, for example, explains that even grandparents still don't understand certain sensibilities of their son.
Alejandra, on the other hand, confesses to us that the exaggerated way that his son Iván has of expressing emotions is not well understood by the environment and sometimes generates rejection:
"The environment He doesn't usually understand that his behavior is due to high emotional intensity. They believe that the child does what he wants and that I don't educate him properly. But when they really know him, they realize how generous, collaborative and responsible he is "
Although not everything is misunderstanding. Xiomara and Fany, for example, only have great words towards their children's teachers because of the humane, affectionate and understanding treatment that give them to certain situations.
And is that it is very important to tear down myths and beliefs, such as high sensitivity is a defect, a disorder or a disease. Nor should it be confused with Asperger's syndrome, autism spectrum disorders or ADHD.
High sensitivity is nothing more than a personality trait that must be understood, respected and managed. Because well channeled, high sensitivity can greatly enrich people's lives.
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