Texas birth photographer Kayla Gonzales has just given birth to her fifth baby. While she is used to being on the other side of the camera capturing powerful birth and postpartum stories, this time she is the protagonist. We can see her in this image taken by her friend and also photographer Heather Gallagher that summarizes the harsh reality of postpartum 48 hours after giving birth.
Happiness is supposed to flood you and in the case of Kayla, being already an experienced mother, the situation should be more bearable. But every woman and every birth is a world, and the recent postpartum is usually not easy. "My body feels broken, everything hurts, I don't feel like it is connecting so easily this time ...", the mother commented to her friend.
The postpartum they don't talk to you about
Not all postparts are the same, but of course they are not idyllic and wonderful as they are often taught. Surely most of the women who gave birth had a moment like the one Kayla was going through when her friend took her picture.
Alone at home, exhausted, sitting in the bathroom with her baby in a hammock. With a sore body, swollen breasts, in the dreaded moment of going to the bathroom and stealing a few minutes to be able to take a quick shower before the baby has to eat again.
This image of me by @ heathergallagher.photography accurately sums up the first 48 hours. While the birth was mine in every way, the absolute height of feminine power and womanhood, postpartum swung me in the opposite direction, to the darkest depths physically, emotionally, and mentally. Having 4 other children, I was prepared for this. I have support. I have realistic expectations. But these days are fucking hard, there is no getting around it. This day had been long and very stressful. My toddler woke up realizing that the new baby was, in fact, staying. She had cried most of the day. We had unexpected bills due on a very short deadline. An intense hormonal shift had begun, and I too had spent much of the day crying. I was missing my older girls immensely. To compound these struggles, a 72 minute labor isnt easy to recover from. My hip felt like it was broken and walking was near impossible. I had soreness in muscles I didnt know existed and pain that radiated down my right thigh like lighting. The cramping was so intense, it felt like I was in transition all over again. As soon as the labor had begun, it was over, before I even had a chance to realize what was happening. My beautiful baby seemed unfamiliar - smaller than my others, and unexpectedly male. He seemed strange and foreign, and I was struggling to bond with him the same way I had when my other children were born. My milk hadnt come in yet, and he was getting hungry and impatient. In this moment, I just wanted to shower. I was alone only because my partner had taken our daughter out of the house, a needed distraction from the distressing sight of me holding another baby when all she wanted was to be held herself. It was the first time I had put him downwe had been skin to skin since birth. I worried that he would not be content long enough for me to wash my tired, aching body of the horrible day we had endured. As the shower warmed, I sat down to pee, slumping into the weight of all the heavy feelings before pulling it together enough to make use of the limited time I had before he would need the comfort of my chest again. The clock is always ticking. This is postpartum. # igm_033
Kayla shared the photo on her Instagram account along with a message that reflects your feelings In those moments after giving birth to her fifth baby:
This image of me from @ heathergallagher.photography accurately summarizes the first 48 hours.
While the birth was mine in every way, the absolute height of feminine power and femininity, the postpartum led me in the opposite direction, to the darkest depths physically, emotionally and mentally.
Having 4 other children, I was prepared for this. I have support I have realistic expectations. But these days are fucking hard, There's no way to avoid it. This day has been long and very stressful. My girl woke up to realize that the new baby, in fact, was staying. She has been crying most of the day. We receive unexpected invoices in a very short time. An intense hormonal change had begun, and I had also spent most of the day crying. I missed my older daughters immensely.
To complicate these struggles, a 72-minute job is not easy to recover. My hip felt like it was broken and walking was almost impossible. I had pain in muscles that I did not know existed and pain radiated down my right thigh. The cramps were so intense, I felt like I was transitioning again.
As soon as the birth began, it was all over, even before I had the chance to realize what was happening. My beautiful baby seemed unknown, smaller than the others and unexpectedly a child. It seemed strange and strange to me, and I was trying to connect with him in the same way as when my other children were born. My milk had not yet arrived, and he was hungry and impatient.
Right now (in the one in the photo), I just wanted to take a shower. I was alone because my partner had taken our daughter out of the house, a necessary distraction from the distressing vision that I was holding another baby when all I wanted was for her to hug her. It was the first time I left him (the baby), we had been skin to skin since birth. I worried that I wasn't contained long enough so that I could wash my tired and aching body from the horrible day we had endured. As the shower got hot, I sat down to pee, sinking into the weight of all the heavy feelings Unable to think about them enough in the short time I had before he needed the comfort of my chest again. The clock is always running.
The emotional state of the mother after childbirth
Exhaustion after childbirth is not only physical. The body is tired and sore after the effort to give birth, the breasts hurt from the rise of milk but the tiredness is also mental and emotional.
The emotional state of the mother after childbirth is very variable, volatile and unpredictable. After the euphoria you may feel a slight sadness or mild postpartum depression, the baby blues, probably mixed with new fears that appear on your vital horizon, on the other hand also very normal.
And if you have four more children to take care of who also need their mother, plus the vicissitudes of the daily life of a family, it is a very difficult stage to cope with for a recent mother.
The good thing is that little by little those feelings of sadness are disappearing, the connection with the baby is improving, they are recognizing each other, and the body is recovering from childbirth slowly returning to normal.
No matter how experienced a mother is, each child comes to completely modify her life and that of all family members.
