The relationships between daughters-in-law and mother-in-law They don't always go like silk. Tensions are common in many families, even in real ones, and although the little tune can come from before, the discrepancies tend to get even worse when the children arrive. Surely many of you know what I'm talking about.
The situation becomes increasingly uncomfortable for both, and worse, that the children are left in the middle of the crossfire. For the good of all, and although there are times when they wish they had no mother-in-law, it is best to try to rebuild the relationship. But how to do it? We give you some keys that will allow you to reach agreements on children to get a better family harmony.
Define the roles
In many families, grandparents are habitual caregivers of children when parents go to work and spend a lot of time together, sometimes even more than with the parents themselves.
The great differences between daughters-in-law and mother-in-law are usually related to the way of raising or caring for children, as well as behaviors that can be considered as invasion of territory from mother in law Some grandmothers intrude too much, making the mother feel she loses prominence and authority before her children.
Therefore, it is key to define the roles of each one, with kindness but firmly. Parents are parents and they make decisions about their children. Grandparents can suggest, advise, give their point of view respectfully but ultimately, the decisions are from the parents, and whether or not they agree with them, they must respect them.
Respect the spaces
Grandmothers must understand that with grandchildren they are not mothers again, now they are grandmothers.
In their new role, they must respect the space of your child's relationship with his wife and let them live the experience of parenthood freely, without interfering, although many times they think they are making mistakes.
Agree on visits
There are really intense grandmothers, especially when the first grandson is born that attracts the attention of the whole family. Out of respect and courtesy, it is convenient that grandmother agrees visits to grandchildren before, to agree on the best time to do it.
It is absolutely normal for the family to want privacy (for example, on a Sunday morning) and want to walk around your house in underwear pampering your baby without the presence of your mother-in-law.
Establish pacts
Many conflicts come because the mother considers that the grandmother consents to the children too much, for outdated beliefs, or for the feeding of the little ones: too many goodies, unhealthy meals, etc.
Surely you can reach agreements on the amount of goodies they can eat or the whims that are given to children. If necessary, you can leave it in writing and in sight so you don't forget (at the refrigerator door, for example).
Maintain a fluid communication
When the children are born, or even before, parents should let their grandmother (and grandfather) know what your parenting style is and how you want to educate your children.
Have conversations with your mother-in-law about the rules you have at home so that they are also respected when children are with her. Many times problems come due to lack of communication. In this way, by making the rules known in advance, you can many times avoid conflicts before they happen.
Resolve conflicts when they arise
Even so, even if you try to avoid them, there will always be situations that cause disagreements. When they arise, it is convenient to try to solve them in the moment as delicately as possible.
Accumulating unresolved conflicts only contributes to increasing tension in the relationship. Like small drops that fill the glass, and we don't want it to overflow.
Maintain respect, always
If respect is lost, it will be difficult to turn back. It is essential that both be treated with respect, resolve differences with emotional intelligence and empathy, and if possible sympathy. Of course, never speak badly about each other and avoid confrontations in the presence of children.
Children have the right to have a good relationship with their grandparents, beyond differences, provided that relationship is not harmful to them.
Give a little of both sides
Surely more than once you both have to give some ground for things to flow better. On the part of the grandmothers, do nothing without the consent of the parents, and for that of the mothers, be a little more flexible and tolerant of what you do not like too much.
The key is that these concessions are balanced and that it is not always one that yields to the detriment of the other.
The man has a lot to say
And last but not least, the role of an actor who has much to say: the son, couple and father. It is key that man be a conciliatory mediator, which fosters the good relationship between the two.
Many times the man avoids getting involved so as not to go wrong, but it is a fairly immature posture. It is important that you take a position, that protect the relationship with your partner and your children and set the boundaries with his mother (and father) affectionately. If you get involved responsibly, the relationship between the two will flow better.
Conclusion. The daughter-in-law relationship is not always easy, especially when there are disagreements regarding childcare. But we must not lose sight of the fact that in the end what we all want is the well-being of the children, so let's do everything in our power to guarantee it.
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