CHILDREN ALSO HAVE BAD DAYS: UNDERSTAND THEM AND HELP THEM DEAL WITH IT.

For some reason you don't know, one day you feel more tense than usual. You are irritable, it seems that everything bothers you, and things start to go crooked. You argue with your partner, you don't understand your boss, and that state of anxiety accompanies you throughout the day. Have you ever felt this way? Surely, and we all agree that "Having a bad day is normal."

But when this same behavior has a child, the thing changes. Adults begin to label him and criticize and judge his attitude. We may even shout or punish him, and demand a self-control that we ourselves are unable to have when we are in the same situation. And like adults, children can have bad days too, and we must understand.

When emotions explode

Human beings harbor within us endless feelings and nuances. In most occasions, adults are able to put words to what we feel, and to understand the why of our mood.

For example, things at work have not gone well that day, and when you get home you feel exhausted, angry and frustrated. "I've had a bad day, I don't really want to talk", you may tell your partner. And most likely she will understand you, respect your silence and even prepare you a relaxing bath to help you feel something better.

The same thing happens to children, with the difference that their understanding and poor verbal ability prevents them from expressing what they feel; Especially when they are very small. And because they feel bad, they cry and behave in a way that, on many occasions, is not socially tolerated.

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Are our reactions with them the ones we would like them to have with us?

My children have bad days, as I do, my husband, or the neighbor in front. The difference is that with nine, four and three years, rarely know how to verbally express what happens to them.

Perhaps, in the case of the elder, it was a note in an exam he did not expect, or a goal scored in his own door in a football match that was important to him. And perhaps, in the case of the little ones, it was a fight in the schoolyard or an unexpected change of teacher, now that they had begun to familiarize themselves with him.

Any of these things, that to adults seem "nonsense" with easy solution, for children it is not, and generates certain feelings that can alter their behavior ... and our patience.

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Because parents, we are not perfect and we also had a tiring day, We don't understand your tantrums, your cries or your irascibility. We would like them to behave "correctly" and "make things easy for us." That is, we are demanding something that we ourselves are not able to put into practice at certain times.

So, when I am at the limit of my strength and feel that I am going to lose my temper, I stop for a second and reflect: How would I like them to act with me when it's me who has a bad day? And the answer is clear to me: With respect, tolerance, empathy and love. Lots of love.

How should we act if our children have a bad day?

Accompany you in your feeling and empathize

As we said, Not all children are able to verbally express what they feel. Putting words to feelings such as frustration, anger, envy, nostalgia, anxiety ... is not easy, and therefore they channel their emotions through crying or tantrums.

In these cases it is important not to turn your back on the child, or minimize their emotions or prevent them from appearing with phrases such as, for example, "it is not so much" or "stop crying." Let him feel and accompany him in his feeling.

In addition, it will be very positive for the child if we empathize with him and tell him that "We understand your feeling, because it has also happened to us sometime". Having a bad day is something universal to any human being, and at that time we can be a great help for him by sharing our experience and showing him a possible way to face the situation.

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All acts have a consequence

But the fact that we understand his feeling does not mean that we should approve their behavior If, for example, you are being disrespectful to the people around you.

Everything we do has consequences, positive or negative. Here the important thing is to explain what the consequences of their actions are, so that they understand the reason and importance of doing or not doing certain things

Help you manage your emotions

Children are not born with tools to manage their emotions, and it is the parents' job to teach them to do it:

Allowing them to feel, and not forcing them to suppress any emotion.
Helping them recognize emotions, that is, giving them an emotional vocabulary to put words to their feelings.
Teach them to modulate that emotion in intensity, duration and impact.

In Babies and more How to help your young child manage his emotions And at this point everything mentioned above becomes especially important. And it is that when the child is in an environment in which he feels understood and supported in this sense, it is easier for him to manage his emotions.

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