We mothers do not have it easy. Without making comparisons or falling into divisions, the reality is that all mothers at some point have had to give up something. We love being able to have the opportunity to live both experiences: being professional and being a mother, but although many do, unfortunately, devoting full attention to both at the same time is something that costs a lot of time and effort.
There are many personal circumstances that make some women decide to quit their jobs when they become mothers. But is this always the best option? We talk to nine women who share their personal experiences and They tell us in a sincere way why they regretted having stopped working by becoming mothers.
Before continuing, I would like to make a little clarification, which although I consider it to be something that is understood, it is worth leaving it clearly. Women who had the courage and kindness to share their experience are happy to be mothers and love their children more than anything in the world.
In Babies and more "Sweetheart wait for me", a tribute to working mothersIn no way do we want to indicate or imply that they regret becoming mothers, because These interviews are focused on lifestyle changes and decisions faced by working women when they decide to have children. We hope that your testimonies will be useful for other women who are going through the same situation.
Professional women who become mothers
As I mentioned at the beginning of this special article, when it is time to have children, women who work outside the home often ask a question that could change their pace of life even more (in addition to the arrival of their baby): Quit or keep working?
Although each woman lives her motherhood differently, the truth is that it is always very difficult for everyone to detach from children, especially when they are so young. That is why many women choose to say goodbye to our professional life and focus one hundred percent on the care and upbringing of our children.
Some choose to quit with the intention of doing so permanently, while others plan to do so during the first years of their children, and others, if their work permits, decide to take some kind of leave or leave in addition to maternity leave. to be able to spend as many months as possible with their children.
In the case of mothers who today share their personal experience, they were working women, who had a career in development and felt full in their workplaces, like Rosalina, 28, and mother of two children:
I am a Forest Engineer and worked as an environmental impact advisor in road planning and construction. At work I made the documents to ask for environmental permits and kept track in the field during the construction of roads. For this I had to be constantly traveling to the projects and I liked that part a lot, that of traveling. In addition I felt good, because I worked in my career with a good salary and good co-workers, it is a work that is usually of men, but I felt fulfilled.
Some of them had jobs and activities that kept them busy every day, leading a very active pace of life, as in the case of Suset, who is 31 years old and is the mother of a child:
Before I became a mother, I worked all day: I left my house at eight in the morning and arrived at seven at night. I had a double shift and only went out to eat with my husband at noon. I felt very good, all day busy and on weekends I studied my master's degree. So I always had something to do. On Sundays they were resting, sleeping a lot and watching movies with my husband, we both worked all day and on Saturdays he studied another degree, so we kept busy.
Others, like Alejandra, 36, and the mother of a one-year-old girl, worked since I was very young and used to the benefits This gave him:
I have always worked, since I turned 18 I have been a person who liked to work a lot, I did not have the opportunity to study at the university for economic reasons, so I decided to open up to the job opportunity, always in the same field: secretary, assistant , sales executive, invoice and cashier. I had not been bad at all and I enjoyed my time and my work a lot, I attended my house, my husband and my parents who are already old people. I had a lot of time, an economic income that maybe not excellent, but that allowed us to go on vacation from time to time, to escape on a wedding weekend.
The transition to motherhood 24/7
Going from a woman without children to the mother of a baby is something that each one experiences in a different way, but that certainly brings many changes in each one of us: in our body, our way of thinking, as well as our rhythm and style of lifetime. When we quit a job, we must add that to the list of changes to which we must adapt after having children.
For Paola, 40 and the mother of three daughters, it was particularly difficult to adapt to a life at home, because From an early age he had worked:
I worked pregnant with my three daughters, as soon as my maternity disability ended I returned. But my mother had already passed away and I no longer have any family to support me with that and my husband also worked, so I decided to be a full-time mother. The transition was a discovery because I had never lived it. Since I was in my last year of high school I worked, so I had never done anything like it or being a housewife, I didn't know how to cook.
In Babies and more 37% of mothers contemplate quitting their job upon returning from their maternity leave, even when it is extended Another factor they faced, and that happens to many mothers who stay at home, is how lonely the days can become after being accustomed to a work and socially active life. For Dulce, 35 and the mother of a child, loneliness and being away from her family were some of the most difficult things about her adaptation to motherhood:
My transition to being a full-time mom and housewife was very difficult, I was a first-time mom and my family was in Mexico. My mother-in-law lived here, but I was overwhelmed and wanted to do everything with my baby at will. My husband worked practically all day and I went into depression. I was happy with my son, it is the best in the world, but for the rest I was not prepared, not even mentalized, because I was used to my money, my decisions and freedom that that gives you.
I was happy to be with my son, not to lose his development and I thought of my friends who work outside and had to leave their babies in daycare with just a few months. That made me feel good, to be with him, but the housework and to be all day and every day was heavy, I was alone, without friends, learning to be a mother and house wife. I had a hard time asking for money for something, even though my husband is the best man for me, nothing stingy, loving and a good father. But all that did not mean that as a woman I felt that something is missing, I felt incomplete.
Some women did not give up immediately when their baby was born, but As time went by they realized they needed to be by their side. This happened to Laura, 27, and the mother of a girl:
When I returned to work I felt horrible, I didn't want to take off my baby to go to work. I decided to quit my job 7 months after I returned even though I had been promoted and I was doing better. I didn't have enough time to be with my baby, I was just a weekend mom and when I was with her, I didn't have a bond. So I decided to submit my resignation and stay home full time.
The good thing was that I no longer had pressures and now I could dedicate myself to what I so longed for: being a mother (full time). But I was surprised when I realized that I didn't have a bond with my daughter and that I practically didn't know her. I felt terrible and went into depression again, because I had already had postpartum depression.
It was very difficult to adapt to being only a mother and not the mother who had the money, who ate where she wanted and who bought what she wanted. I became an economic dependent of my ex-partner and my mother, but it was worth every effort and every tear to earn my daughter's love and trust. That he recognized me as his mother and that we could both have a real connection.
Economic dependence and loneliness, the main causes of regret
When speaking with the nine mothers interviewed, I could see that they are all women who love their children and describe motherhood as the best experience of their lives. But then, Why do they regret having quit after becoming mothers?
The majority response was because they lost their economic freedom and independence, and now they depended on someone else to get the things they needed, something they had never been accustomed to, because thanks to their work they could have and control their own expenses and income.
In Babies and more Women who care for their children are also working mothersFor Gyna, 27 and mother of a girl, this was the main reason why believes that quitting his job was not the best option, the economic issue:
Not contributing to the house made me feel sad, although my husband has never thrown anything in my face. I regret my economic independence and the time I had for myself, since no matter how much work I enjoyed it, I regretted it very much for that.
Too, leave your goals and professional development when leaving your careerIt was something that made them doubt their decision to resign, as happened to Astrid, 30, mother of a child and waiting for another baby:
The transition to being a full-time mother was quiet but I felt I was missing something. I did not enjoy my son to be thinking that my goals were paused and to be a good mother, you must be fine with yourself.
If you are thinking of quitting after becoming a mother
In addition to sharing their experience and the reasons why they felt that giving up after becoming mothers was not the best option, I asked them to also share some advice, lesson or learning that could serve other moms who are in the same situation or They are considering giving up.
Karla, 24 years old and mother of a child, He had to give up several jobs in which he moved away a lot from his son because of the complicated schedule. Fortunately, today he has returned to work in a company in which they understand that he is a mother:
I think that we as women can propose to work and be a mother as long as we have a balance. Of course, it is not easy, in all that time I was very discouraged to enter a very enthusiastic company and leave disappointed by the fact that they did not understand that I was also a mother.
I believe that if you are working, and in your company they support you, they understand that you will be mothers or you are, and you feel comfortable working there and your family supports you, do not quit! Babies grow super fast, and soon you will see that they are already super awake children and that they understand everything. You can still take a break to be with them and consider working later, but I think that one as a woman is good to have their own income and helps you grow both emotionally and professionally.
Rosalina on the other hand, advises talk about the economic issue in depth with the couple and not forget the time for the same, which is very important to feel good as women:
My advice is that although it can be difficult and lonely, in the end it is worth every moment to see a baby grow. But let the division of income be clarified from the beginning with your husband, setting aside a part for you, for clothes and necessities not so basic but that help your self-esteem, also a time to go out to meet friends, such as workshops, aesthetics or the gym and not lock yourself 24 hours at home.
In relation to the theme of loneliness, Paola He advises preparing from pregnancy with a circle of support, In order to surround ourselves with family that can support us occasionally:
My advice to pregnant women is not to be left alone, to look for a circle of support because they will be very tired. You have to look for one or a few friends or relatives that allow them to rest and be themselves, that are not lost among all those obligations and situations that occur.
Also be patient because the children last very little and that life is very long and beautiful. The more years you turn you become more beautiful in every way, you are wiser and you know the things you do like. Patience because it lasts a little and you, what you see and feel behind your eyes when you close them, that is you, there it will be with you and it is to her that you have to please.
And as we know that This is a personal decision and that each family will make according to their needs and abilities, we close with Laura's advice:
In my experience, it is difficult to work and not be able to be with your baby, but you have to try to find balance in both things, have our criteria quite clear and make decisions that can be better. And above all: listen to what your heart says. Times are perfect, if you want to stop working for a while and dedicate yourself to motherhood 24/7, DO IT. If you want to continue working and combining both tasks, DO IT.
The issue of mothers working outside the home is a very complex one and for which it is necessary to continue working much more in a matter of conciliation and strive to have better working environments for those who have children. We thank you at nine women who quit their jobs after being mothers and later regretted having done so for sharing your personal experience with sincerity.
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