When a loving mom, dedicated to her first child and full of him faces a second pregnancy many fears may appear. Although love multiplies and the second child will be loved Like the first, there can certainly be some disorder in relationships when the second baby arrives.
When a woman's first child is born, not only is a child born, a mother is also born and she lives this new dimension of her personality as something very deep and powerful, which can change her entire conception of the world and of herself. Delivered to the link is that everything can change with the arrival of the second child.
He will no longer be able to surrender completely to what has been his great love so far, nor can he have a complete union with the second that leaves the first one out of the maternal-subsidiary relationship.
Mother's feelings
Although during pregnancy and in the first moments there may be contradictory feelings towards the two children and towards oneself, fear of not loving enough or not attending to both, usually mothers are able to rebuild family relationships in a way that welcomes everyone in a new way of understanding love and communication.
The second child arrives, whether planned or not, at a different time in that woman's life and will make him relate to him and feel different emotions possibly from those he experienced with the first. You will have less fear but also less time, more experience but also less availability.
In some cases there is a certain guilt and anguish, but in others the older child is perceived as annoying or develops regressive behaviors or calls for attention to his parents, making communication difficult in the new way his family has taken.
The age of the first child influences
The way in which the older son reacts to the arrival of the baby is not always predictable although, without a doubt, maturational aspects are important.
Some very young children adapt well in appearance to the new baby as long as the family has supports to take care of both of them, but no doubt the moms feel especially exhausted if they have to take care of two babies who do not walk, wear diapers or have night wakes. .
From two years on, things could be simpler, but many times the little ones are not able to express their conflicting feelings towards the little brother who takes away their parents' attention. Parents, sometimes, instead of understanding that their child feels scared and alone and is not prepared to share them, they get angry at him when he gets more capricious than normal, he has regressions, nightmares or tantrums. Some become pee or are aggressive, all motivated by the desire to recover more attention and not knowing how to tell us how much they need us and how they would like sometimes that nothing had changed.
Understanding is fundamental to help them get through this personal crisis. The little brother is not his responsibility and, even if they "asked" it is not surprising that they find him a little disappointing, since it does not serve to play with him.
The couple, family or close friends then have an important role, accompanying him at times and helping so that the mother can also have moments in which she dedicates pampering and exclusive attention.
It is better that the birth of the second does not happen while other important changes in the life of a child: leave the diaper, move to his room or enter the nursery, to avoid having to face situations of accumulated tension.
For children from six years old It is usually simpler, since they are not so in need of constant attention, they have friends and interests to spend time with when their mother cannot be with them. Also, of course, they have a greater physical, emotional and intellectual maturation that will allow them to understand the new situation. However, we cannot rule out that they feel jealous, especially if we begin now to demand that they take care of the little brother without wishing them or that they behave like “elders” all the time.
There is no ideal time for the second birth that can be advised, each family has its rhythms, priorities and needs, but in general it is convenient to plan that birth when mother, father and older son are prepared to organize their time and emotions giving room to the new member But one thing that sure, love the second child It will not be a problem.
