We have talked about the differences between respectful parenting, respectful of the child but also with the environment, and one of its opponents, capricious upbringing, which really does not show respect for the needs of the child, because the child needs to learn respect for others with an example and a safe and reliable guide, loving, of course, empathic, but also safe.
Educating, then, is the way in which parents prepare our child to be a complete person, that he respects and loves himself, but that he may also be able to understand others, leave their space, their rights and recognize them as equals.
Respect, as I said before, is not unidirectional, respect is something that encompasses the child and his environment.
Parents must defend, of course, the rights of our son to be treated with respect That deserves every human being. He has no less rights for being a child and no one can physically, verbally or emotionally assault him. But we can't allow him to do it either.
The other's rights
We must lead him, educate him in the emotional, give him guidelines, formulas to recognize his negative feelings and channel his aggressiveness, but not let him think that he is above others. If we do that, we are not really respecting the child, since the child needs to grow up respecting others as well and understanding that he has the right to demand his rights like others to be recognized.
Being respectful is not being forgiving
Indulgent parents, who do not teach their child to drive their unwanted desires or their negative emotions, are not doing him any favor, even if they do it with the best intentions or moved by their own traumas for an unfortunate childhood. Be respectful is not to be forgiving.
Moreover, these parents often happen that their children, contrary to what they expected, do not respect them, do not trust them, do not believe them when they speak to them. The reality is that if we do not give a coherent containment, the child will not see us as a model or figure that gives them security.
Authority
The authority, that word that so many fear and that others fly as a flag before the lack of control of youth, is something very important for the emotional growth of people. Authority is not taken for good, it has not been earned by begetting a child or sustaining it materially.
No, being parents does not give us authority, but authority is necessary. The point is to understand that our authority as parents is not something that is given to us after enrolling a child, authority is something moral, intangible, that is built with respect for the true natural need of the child and also for others and ourselves.
An example
Let's give an example. The examples are very good for understanding case studies.. Think of respectful parents with their children. They, say, believe that they must take care of their children's food and do not give them unhealthy food. No sugar, no industrial buns, no goodies, no ice cream, and they even have a lot of prevention against foods that are not organically grown. So far, everything is respectable. I would almost say enviable, because without a doubt we must take care of the physical health of our children and take care that they have as healthy a diet as possible.
But, if the child is living in an environment where these foods are habitual and deeply desired, to the point of losing emotional control if he is forbidden to take them, we will have reached a conflict.
A child can understand the need for healthy eating from a very young age, but we cannot exercise absolute control over this as it ends up being counterproductive.
It depends, of course, on the child and the parents, but when there is an intense unresolved emotion towards such prohibited foods in your home, we should rethink whether our own ideology may be depriving the child of a necessary experience, the experience of reality.
In addition, if, above a tantrum, we give or distract the child with another whim of a material or affective nature, buying it in a certain sense, we will not be attending to the need that the child expresses with his tantrum or the reality of an inserted education in the society in which we live. Should we give in and let him eat "forbidden" things? That should be decided by each family, but letting the child learn that others deserve respect if they don't think like their parents.
For perhaps the most significant thing is not the bauble, but the attitude of the parents to whom they choose, for whatever reason, to give their children food or experiences that they deem undesirable.
We give respect by teaching that we respect, not just respecting the child
Respect. Respect. Respect is the key. If parents transmit excessive obsession with this or another ideological issue, pigeonhousing those who think differently as inferior or dedicate derogatory comments, all respectful education falls apart. We give a respectful education by teaching that we respect, not only respecting the child.
Of course, we will respect the child as a person, we will not use aggression or threat as educational elements, but we will also teach that respect is something that everyone around us deserves, with the clear and sharp difference between another way of thinking is respectable But violence is not respectable. Beyond that, you have to respect the difference.
And it is that respect is something that transcends the child, without diminishing their right to be respected. Respect is towards those who think differently from us. If we do not respect others, the message we will convey to our child is not that respect is something deserved, but that only he or his parents deserve it.
And as the example is what children assimilate more than any talk or disharmony, they will understand that their parents are not models in what respect is, and they may turn to others looking for those coherent models to grow in with understandable behavioral norms . The other is not respect, it is capricious upbringing, and not to be confused with educating with respect and for respect.
