The Sears family, pediatrician father, mother nurse, eight children (some of them pediatricians), several grandchildren, have dedicated their lives to childhood. They are the creators of the term “Attachment parenting” (parenting with attachment) and have written more than 40 books on pediatrics and parenting. In what they have called the eight “B” of parenting with attachment They have managed to summarize a parenting style based on closeness and continuous attention.
Taking as a premise that a baby's needs and desires are the same thing during the first months of life, even during the first years, they give eight basic premises to face a caring care of the baby that responds to his needs, both physiological and emotional.
In the prologue of one of his books entitled "Your son will sleep ... and you too" there is a phrase that I liked a lot and I have always had as an axiom.
“The time to have your baby in your arms, next to your chest and in bed is very short in relation to your child's total life. Even so, the memory of their love and availability, last a lifetime. ”
There may be medical or family circumstances that prevent the completion of the eight "B". It does not mean that a baby who is not breastfed or does not live with both parents is going to be a baby who does not receive an affectionate upbringing. Is not that. What you are trying to convey is a parenting philosophy of connection with the baby, instinctive, positive, patient, sensitive and loving.
The eight “B” of parenting with attachment (because all English words begin with "B") are:
Birth bonding: emotional ties from birth
A skin-to-skin union with the baby from the moment of birth encourages the creation of a early link. The hours and days after delivery are a period of maximum sensitivity in which both the mother and the baby need shelter and mutual contact.
When, for justified medical reasons, this union cannot be created early, the lost time can always be recovered. As soon as possible, it is convenient to resume contact between the mother and the baby.
The immediate mother-child bonding It is not like a glue that if it is not done at the first moment then does not work, but an advantage with which run those who have the possibility to do so. Linking is a process that takes place between them.
Breastfeeding: Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is the best food for the newborn. It is the most complete from the nutritional point of view, but also provides comfort and a unique contact between mother and son.
It is a fundamental component to strengthen the emotional bond between the mother and the baby, and is intimately related to the previous premise of creating emotional bonds from birth. Putting the baby to the breast right after birth is a very important step to start breastfeeding on a good foot.
There is a special chemistry between the mother and the baby that is breastfed. The infant's contact with his mother's chest triggers the production of oxytocin in the woman's brain, which when entering the bloodstream activates the mammary glands and strengthens the bond between the son and his mother.
Babywearing: take the baby on
Babies that are carried in arms or in baby carriers they are in the shelter, in direct contact with the person who carries it, usually their father or mother. They feel more protected, less stressed and remain in a state of quiet vigil, which allows them to better assimilate what happens in their environment.
Babies in arms are happy babies (which does not mean that babies in strollers are not), but which baby does not like being in arms? The arms provide comfort and safety.
In addition, the closeness and continuous contact with the baby allow you to know him better by strengthening the bond.
Beding close to baby: sleep near the baby
Sleeping with the baby in or near the bed is a formula used by many families with young children. When sleeping accompanied separation distress is avoided that some children experience during the night, making them sleep more and rest better.
Help children learn that sleep is a pleasant time and that they are not alone.
In cases where the baby is breastfed, the colecho (derived from the English term co-sleeping) is also a practical method because they have the chest at their disposal at any time.
Belief in the language value of your baby's cry: confidence in the value of your crying as a language
Crying is the baby's way of communicating. He does not cry for "teasing us", but because he needs something. If we talk about the needs of a baby, we not only talk about changing the diaper, covering it from the cold or feeding it, but also giving it security through the arms, pampering, caresses and contact.
By understanding that crying is your language and trusting the importance of this form of communication, the needs of the baby are better understood.
Babies cry to communicate, not to manipulate.
Beware of baby trainers: be careful with training
Parenting based on instinct and contact allows discern the concept of advice from training.
A rigid parenting style based on clocks and calendars is not a natural way to care for a baby. This does not mean that there are no routines, but do not forget that the needs of the baby are above the schedules and the wishes of adults.
Training methods cause mistrust in children and a distance between parents and the baby, when parenting should be based primarily on trust.
Balance: keep a balance
Find a healthy balance It is important in all aspects of life, and also in raising children.
To be parents you learn and it is the children who teach us. Something that is often confused is to believe that by prioritizing the needs of children they are allowed to do what they want, and it is not so.
One of the keys to happy parenting is learning to find the balance between respectful parenting and capricious parenting.
Both: both of them
Some call them the seven "B" of baby care, but one last premise has been added: both (both), referring to the father and mother participation in baby care, both during the day and during the night.
That both are involved in the care of the child, in attending to their demands, in their education, in the values that they want to transmit, fosters a better understanding.
In addition, the rapport between dad and mom is key to creating a healthy family bond. Empathy and respect among family members, both between parents and between parents and children, creates an environment of reciprocity in which the child feels safe, at ease, and also learns to treat others with respect.
Photos | Thomas Beck Photo and footloosiety on Flickr More information | Dr. Sears official website On Babies and more | Attachment parenting, The chemistry of secure attachment, Natural parenting, free advice and how parents who grow up with attachment (I) and (II) evolve
