A few days ago I explained that there are parents who are wonderful, wanting to talk about them, reminding society that many things have changed for good, with a new generation of parents who have decided to put the meat on the grill and have a voice and vote in as far as parenting and education of their children is concerned.
Today, however, I'm going to talk about those parents who could probably be in an opposite plane, simply because they act passively, because they have not just learned what is happening with their children and do not participate too much and because they are not able to assume the responsibility of taking care of their children.
Some are like that because they do not have enough character, desire or knowledge (or put too much effort in learning) to care, others are because their partners do not let them participate anymore and others, those who do not care too much about the future of their children, not even the present, because they still live too self-consciously looking at their own navel. They all are invisible parents.
Invisible parents do not form a homogeneous group
It is difficult to define what invisible parents are like because they are not all the same. The cause for them to act like this is not the same in all cases and that is why it is necessary to explain several ways of acting and several possible causes to know the different types of invisible father that exists.
Those who bring money home
There are parents with more ability to be with children than others, there are more patiently or more easily to be close to them and there are those who are the opposite. They have no ability, they have no patience, it doesn't seem easy and, when they have to take care or deal with their children they don't feel comfortable.
They are parents like mine, who worked hard and saw us little, who came home in the afternoon and needed to rest, not entering spending time with children within the definition of rest.
The weekend, because more of the same, Dad was tired because he worked hard all week and those two days, instead of spending time with the children, he had to rest.
Now there are parents like that too. They leave home when the child has not yet woken up and they are even able to do more hours in the afternoon, if work permits, to be able to get home a little later. If they don't leave them at work, they can call mom to tell her that "I take advantage of and go through Mercadona to buy what we need."
Then they arrive home and, if they are in luck, or the child has already fallen asleep or, if he has not done so, at least he is already bathed and in his pajamas. Then have a little dinner and "to bed, son, you have to rest ... until tomorrow" (at night).
It's not that they don't love their children, I'm not talking about love, it's simply that they settle for knowing that thanks to their work their family can live well. If they feel a little bad about their way of being parents, they will try to solve the absence with more expensive gifts than usual at birthdays, at Christmas or even without coming to mind. If they do not create conflict, they are even able to give away nothing on birthdays (some do not even remember when their children were born).
Those who delegate responsibility to mothers
I know it can be hard to believe my words, but sometimes it happens to me that by asking parents about their children's customs (as a nurse) they answer me what they think, then being censored by their partners for being wrong. The most sincere even tell me I asked the mother, that she is the one who takes the things of the child.
They do not dress the child, they hardly change a diaper, they do not know what they can and cannot eat, they have never prepared their food, they do not bathe it, they do not know what cream they have to put on it (many do not know or have to put cream on them ) and when they do something because their wife asks for it, they do it reluctantly and badly for a very simple reason: “If you don't want to do something, do it wrong. Next time nobody will ask you to do it. ”
Within this group we could also place those who are not delegating their share of responsibility to the mothers, but who their partners do not let them make use of it.
They are parents throwing clumsy at first, who try and try to do well but do not just like their children (babies), because they lack a little skill and fail to make them feel quite right. Their partners, who are the ones who instead of teaching how to fish, decide to take the rod, they end up asking them to leave the child, that they don't do it well and that they already do it for that.
That way they end up accommodating themselves in an “I don't know” and they in an “as he doesn't know, I already do it, I'm going faster”. The worst thing is that they end up doing everything and complaining because they do nothing, when it is they who do not even allow them to try. Decisions regarding children are usually unilateral, of course. They may ask the couple, so that the husband sees that in that house the decisions are made between the two (and so that she also feels that it is), but the last word will always be taken by the man: “OK, honey, whatever you say".
Those who neither feel responsible nor want to be
The last group, and although all can show traits of the other invisible parents, because there will be that they can be in the three groups or, at least, in two of them, is formed by the parents who don't feel responsible and who, in fact, don't even want to be.
They are parents worried about what may be happening on Facebook or Twitter, looking at the phone at all times, while their children remain unattended. They don't change their diaper unless it smells like the league and then they do it reluctantly. They do not go to the park that is close to home because there is no one to talk to, but they take the car to go to the one on the avenue that is much lower, where there are usually more fathers or mothers, and where if there is a third bar in front.
Virginiag explained a few days ago, at the entrance of the guardian angel of the children in the parks, the case of a father who left his daughter in the park to go to the bar to read the newspaper. It is strong, very strong, it is sad, very sad, but more habitual than we think.
It is more important for them what may be happening on television, the conversation on the phone with his friend, the departure of the PS3 that he saved a few hours ago, while Mom had just dried up when leaving the shower to run to attend to the child that he cried or the game with those of the work he has tonight, like every week, to spend some time with his son.
And those who left me
I have made a summary of the most characteristic invisible parents, but I am sure that I have many features. There are for example some parents, the so-called permissive ones, which I have not included because they are visible.
They are visible, because they are present, but they are not able to educate their children because they do not have the ability to speak, dialogue, explain what is right and what is wrong and become serious when necessary. They do not make use of their authority (eye, I say authority, not authoristarismo, which is not the same) and end up dancing to the drums of their children.
They try, because they say “no, Manolito, that doesn't” and “no, Maria, leave that”, phrases that lack authority because they don't exercise it and that seem to enter through one of the children's ears to end up coming out the other.
They are parents who are present, but who they let their children lose respect for themselves and others. They give them freedom, but so much, so much that they end up eating the freedom of others, without them (the parents) caring too much.
They are parents who are, but after all it is as if they were not, because one thing is to be a father and to act as a father and another very different is to be there, simply so that a minor is not alone.
They are often recognized because they usually say the typical phrases of "I can't go with them" or "I don't know how to do it anymore".
The empty backpack, when it should already be full
If you wonder why there are parents like that I will answer that I do not know. The causes are thousands and in my view they are due to an erroneous education by their parents. Perhaps they have lacked love, perhaps affection, perhaps they have never been able to exercise as people and make decisions, perhaps nobody let them choose their path in life and they live accustomed to others taking them for them. Perhaps they have never had responsibilities and now they avoid them.
Let's say they are invisible parents because they have not yet matured as people and, at the moment when they should already be offering the world everything they have received from it, they are still waiting for the world to continue offering them things. At the moment they would have to distribute what they have kept in their backpacks, they still remain with the backpacks open, explaining loudly that their backpacks are still empty.
Photos | nateOne, Stevie Lee on Flickr (CC)
In Babies and more | Many of us would like our parents to apologize to us, Punset: Five tips to make a baby a capable and happy adult, Why some children today end up being troubled teenagers
