It is not difficult for an adult to recognize our own mistakes, although it may be more complicated "apologize" when we hurt or bother someone. However, the first step in teaching children to "apologize" is to act by our example.
But younger children find it difficult even to realize when their actions are hurtful to others, so it is very important that parents worry about showing them the consequences of their actions. The fact of recognizing what one "has done wrong" and the act of apologizing to others if we have harmed them It is very important in personal development.
The little ones in a few years will not be so much and we want (I wish so) to become people responsible for their actions, to take into account the feelings of others. And parents must be very persistent and patient when we educate our children, because after all we live in society, and therefore it is necessary that they behave in accordance with this circumstance: thinking of others, and also demanding that the rest have correct behavior with oneself.
Is it hard to apologize?It is when one has no practice, but not when we realize that it is necessary for others and for oneself, and also when we observe the effects of this behavior that makes us all feel good. When we do something that makes others feel bad, that hurts them ... it may have happened by accident, but it is also possible that the reason has been a poorly managed anger. And from this the elders know a lot because the line that separates expressing our disagreement (or our disappointment, displeasure, etc.) in an acceptable way, or losing control - or nerves - saying or doing things that we can later regret, It is very thin.
And if it's hard to keep calm or ask for forgiveness later, so is teaching children how to do it. Every day we observe children who have pushed, beaten, insulted others, and mothers who react angrily (something very lawful when it is our own child who hurts) forcing their children to ask for forgiveness immediately. As the mere act of pronouncing the words without having reflected will solve things.
How to teach to apologize?
I know that little ones must learn to apologize, but I am convinced that before someone has to make them reflect on it, in a place that is not the same as where the events occurred. Because if the words may not be meaningless. I want to say that unless we find a child who realizes that he has acted badly and expresses his feelings sincerely to the offended friend, the role of the parents would be to express our discomfort and ask for forgiveness, and then retire with The little one and talk about what happened.
I say this because so many children express their apologies pressed by the situation, or fear of punishment, but in reality they are not realizing what has happened. The elders should give them the opportunity to explore themselves and face the situation and their actions, only then will they learn on the one hand to react calmly, and on the other to recognize their mistakes and amend them.
These are the things we should consider in the learning process:
It is not until six / seven years when the children they are able to begin to realize the consequences of their actions on others. This does not exclude that from younger we try to make them see how the other children feel when they hurt them.
We must never press to apologize in the place of the events under the eyes of those involved, their parents and other possible spectators. Sometimes it is better to express our discomfort to others and look for a moment to reflect at home with the child: “We are very sorry for what happened, Pablo should not have hit you that punch, but now he and I should talk about this in House".
Sometimes parents can help them find accurate ways to apologize, and this can be done at home. Keep in mind that it is much better "yesterday I was very angry with you for breaking the game, I know I should not have hit that kick and I'm sorry, I am hurt with you and with myself", than a "do you forgive me?"
By apologizing to the partner or friend they can do it in person, by phone, by letter. They are not required to ask for forgiveness in public, they may decide to stay with the other party to express themselves in private.
Let's learn to control our anger and move away from the situation that causes us, so we will not say or do things to feel bad about. This will be a good learning for the children, and it will also be that we apologize when we have done it wrong.
Not only children should ask for forgiveness.
- Always remember that he who apologizes should not wait for the other party to accept.
And should the apologies be accepted?
Asking forgiveness makes us feel good and also relieves the other person, however the offended party may need a little more time to accept the child who has hurt. It is a very respectable posture.
It is also respectable and lawful that a child does not want to relate to him or those who repeatedly hurt him regardless of his feelings. Although the truth is that on many occasions the scenes end with "okay, thanks for your apologies, I would also like to apologize for bothering you." This is why it is good for kids to realize their actions, and then they help others to be aware too.
That is to say, it is one thing to accept the apologies, and another to stabilize the feelings so that things return to be as before, everything will depend on the scope of the facts, the age of the children, and even the time, which sometimes heals everything.
What is certain is that asking for forgiveness is acting correctly, and it helps us understand each other better with other people.
