It has happened to all of them to attend, amazed, at scenes in which a father beats his son, but we remain without knowing what to do. The reaction of indignation, of empathy towards the child who suffers the aggression, the anger of the father or the mother who are hitting the child, removes us from the inside but we do not know exactly what is the best reaction. When we see a father hit his son, what should we do?
If we are aware that violence only generates violence and that, as the psychologist Ramón Soler told us in an interview that we did in Babies and more, there is never justification for hitting a child, our instinctive reaction will be to act, to face the father his violence and comfort the child. And even get in the way and defend the little one. It is a logical reaction, the same we would have if we saw a man aggravate his wife. And it is logical. But it will not always be the best attitude to avoid further damage to the child.
The mechanisms of violence against children
When a person hits their child in public It may happen that he usually does it when he loses his nerves or the child does something he considers incorrect. But if you do it in the middle of the street, this may also happen at home. And surely they think that "this has been done a lifetime and nothing has happened." Well, if it happens, it keeps hitting the kids.
I do not mean a beating, in that case, no doubt, we must act because first of all we must protect the child and also notify the authorities.
I refer to those normal scenes in which they are whipped, dragged by the arm while the child writhes or insults or threatens them with a soup. I don't know very well what I should do in those cases where a father hits his son on the street, especially if we talk about people we don't know or who don't have a relationship of previous trust.
The perception of violence against children
We must be aware that these parents possibly repeat what they learned and will even be mistakenly convinced that it is an appropriate way of acting to teach the child better behavior.
Children are not recognized with the same rights as adults, to whom nobody has the right to hit to get them to change their attitude, except, of course, to repel an aggression that puts us in danger. But, towards children, few people are shocked to see a scourge or a shaking.
Children are not at all. There is a right to raise your hand if it is not a beating, although the law prohibits it. Half of the parents hit their children, they may even be more, as there are studies that indicate that up to 80% of children receive whipping.
And most of them will justify it or see it acceptable. And we have two questions: what can we do to help that child we see being hit and what can we do to change the social mentality towards abuse?
Our reactions when a father whips his son
My automatic reaction when I see a father whip his son it would be to face the adult and expose him, perhaps altered, that he is using violence, that this is a crime and that he should think about how he would feel if someone hit him. Come on, it is to tell you, do not complain if your children, when they are older, return the smack or, as an old man, send them to an asylum and disregard what happens to them. The one who sows winds, reaps storms.
And before that a monumental quarrel and a scandal await me, a bad response, but I doubt very much that he will get the father to react. And of course, the child, as soon as I leave, a major may fall, and more when they get home. I will not have solved anything.
Once, what I have done has been to pick up the phone and tell him that I will call the police. They usually stop. But now I am aware that the child is not going to help at all, although perhaps, the simple fact that someone tells the father that what he is doing is not correct leaves him a positive idea: he does not deserve that treatment and they have no right to hit him. But if I don't see them again, I fear that my intervention will not help much in the long run.
A smoother approach Maybe it can work. I, who am warm-blooded, work it but it costs me. I wouldn't be nice to a woman abuser and I don't get to be one with a child abuser. But it works. You approach worried and look at the father (or mother, I think it is understood that I mean both) and I offer help. Are you okay, do you need anything?
That for the aggression, may speak to the child some hard word but normally, if they are not beasts without remission, they feel the desire to tell you the problem that has happened. They are late, the child has had a tantrum, has hit the little brother or has done a mischief. I was overwhelmed and embarrassed to be left in evidence.
A kind word, show empathy for the problem (all children have ever surpassed us), offer help with bags or cart ... that changes their perception. And if they open, then we can tell you some similar personal situation and even give you some idea on how to handle the overflow more constructively. But if we start to tell you about the emotional and physical damage of the lashes, they will normally close.
Admit it, society still considers it acceptable that low-intensity abuse of children be practiced, justified by tension, or even affirmed that not giving a cake in time is worse than being permissive. But hitting children makes them aggressive, can relate to mental disorders and certainly does not benefit them at all. The consequences of whipping are real, physical and emotional, and nothing positive.
The subject, as you can see, is very complex to take an attitude if we see a father hit his sonWell, more than the immediate intervention of a stranger, you may need, as the case may be, the intervention of the authorities, a gentle approach, doing nothing or working on a social change of mindset towards child abuse. But, of course, it bothers me a lot that parents hit their children.
Tomorrow I will tell you some specific cases and I will offer you the advice of the psychologist Ramón Soler to act in these situations in which, on the street, we see how a father whips his son.
