As I have said on more than one occasion, one day, after becoming a father, I decided to try to educate my children in a different way from the traditional way, with more freedom, with less control, trying to understand the needs of my children to cover them , respecting their times and their decisions and trying to help them be themselves.
This, which could be summarized as "raising your child with attachment", because it is linked to the theory of attachment of John Bowlby, has the disadvantage that you go against the tideThat you do with your child what only a minority does, that you treat him differently than the rest of parents treat their children and that the environment often disagrees on how you do things.
They often let you know with their advice, because they believe that you are raising a future demon and, although you trust that your way of doing things will make your children show them how wrong they are, everything wobbles, everything is ready. falling apart, even you and your convictions, when your child behaves in a way that gives arguments against parenting with attachment to others.
Arguments against parenting with attachment?
Yes. Those of you who have sons or daughters from two to four years old and from now on you will surely know what I am talking about, because sometimes it happens that the children ride you marimorenas of care, and for more INRI in public and in front of the people He told you a long time ago that if you continued like this the child was going to be crooked.
A tantrum rides you, refuses something around, takes you against it or tells you what it wants at that moment and you go and pay attention to it or similar things can be visible examples, for others, that something you are doing wrong by educating him in that way, and above criticizing the cheek in time and the use of punishments. "You keep it up, without hitting or punishing him, who will already show you who's in charge at home ... in fact, he's already showing it to you now ..."
These are the moments when they take the opportunity to remind you and when you get to falter:
- "Let's see if they were right in the end and it was better that I had pointed it to the nursery."
- "Let's see if they were right in the end and I spoiled him so much that he will now become a despot."
- "Let's see if they were right in the end and it was better that I had slept only since the age of six months."
- "Let's see if they were right and children have to learn to obey parents."
It usually happens because it has all happened to us. Luckily there is always someone nearby who has lived something similar and can help us. I am not talking about physical closeness, but about the closeness that social networks offer us today, where you can find virtual emotional support that is not found in your city, on the street and even in your own family.
Why children offer such arguments
The doubt, of course, is lawful: why does it behave like this? If I have respected him, if I have given him freedom, if I have been with him, if we have spent thousands of hours together, if I have slept with him, if we have played hundreds of things, if we are nail and flesh, if we cannot separate, Why does he do this to me?
Well, precisely because of that, because you let him be himself, because you have allowed him to be strong, have your character, be incisive and constant in your desires and develop your personality. In an adult person all these adjectives, all these characteristics, are what make a person admirable (constant, with personality, with criteria, strong, with character, etc.). In children, on the other hand, they are usually a cause for complaint and reason for initiating some educational process that bends them, that makes them be meek, that “tame” them.
However, as I have explained on other occasions, a child must be strong to grow, all that must be to become himself, a free individual and capable of making decisions. The child has to be strong and the parents have to be able to understand that force, so as not to end it.
The problem is that when a child is allowed to be himself, when he grows up in a climate of trust where he is allowed to express his opinion and where he is taken into account, problems arise. The child gives problems. It is logical, is another person at home with their concerns, desires and motivations, and sometimes they will clash with those of others.
Issue?
Well, problem in the eyes of others and problem for us who see how others get arguments and gain strength to continue criticism. For children it is not a problem. Having judgment and personality, expressing your desires and disagreement is not a problem, it is a way to be faithful to your convictions and a way to grow, because although when you are a child you can be very vehemently expressing your desires, when you grow up you learn to be more restrained and more assertive, even when the opinion remains unchanged.
In other words, people want docile children, who do not give problems, who are good. The ones we raise with attachment, the ones we want to teach our children to respect and to ask for respect we want strong children, of those who create problems for us, of those who have personality. It is not that we like scabies (although they already say that scabies with pleasure does not itch), it is not that we want to have to deal with them all day, because there are times when when it is not one thing is another, we want Let them be themselves and we want them to be strong for tomorrow. Too many children there are already and too many adults too accustomed to bow their heads.
And eye, when I talk about freedom and respect, I don't talk about permissiveness. I know that I always say it, but it is that we are always labeled as permissive, of letting the children do what they want and this it is not true. Let's say there are many ways to explain to children what is right and what is wrong, what they can do and what can be annoying to others, and hitting and punishing them is just one of those ways and not exactly the most enjoyable. Not the most effective. They can have their character, their opinion and defend their position, but they can't lose respect to anyone (or let them miss it, of course).
