"Don't apologize for being who you are," a mother's beautiful message to her daughter about being herself

How many times have you done something just to get along with someone or be nice, even though you didn't want to do it? Perhaps at some point in your life you have been offered or asked to do something with which you did not feel comfortable or simply did not feel like it at that time. Somehow, we have been educated believing that saying "no" from time to time means that we are rude.

That is why the way we speak to our daughters is important, since it can greatly influence how they feel about themselves. This is what a mother has written in a message to her daughter, in which she reminds him that she should not apologize for being herself.

"Don't apologize when someone else bumps into you"

With this line begins the letter that Toni Hammer, writer and mom blogger dedicates to his daughter Lillian of five years. In a Facebook post that has caused a wave of positive messages and reactions, Toni reminds Lillian that it's okay to say no when he doesn't want to do something and that he is well expressing what he feels.

To my daughter,

Don't apologize when someone else bumps into you.

Don't say "I'm sorry to be a nuisance." You are not a nuisance. You are a person with thoughts and feelings that deserve respect.

Don't make excuses about why you don't want to date a boy. You don't owe any explanation to anyone. A simple "no thanks" should be acceptable.

Don't think too much about what you eat in front of others. If you are hungry, eat, and eat what you want. If you want pizza, don't order a salad just because there are other people with you. Order the damn pizza.

Do not leave long hair just to make someone else happy.

Don't wear a dress if you don't want to do it.

Do not stay at home just because you have no one to date. Go out with yourself. Live experiences with yourself and yourself.

Don't hold your tears. Crying means that you feel something that needs to come out. It is not a weakness. It is human being.

You wouldn't smile just because they tell you to do it.

Don't be afraid to laugh at your own jokes.

Don't say "yes" just to be kind. Say "no" because it's your life.

Do not hide your opinions. Speak and make it strong. You should be heard.

Do not apologize for being who you are. Be strong and daring and beautiful. Be you, without apologies.

In an interview for Babble, Toni explains why he decided to write these words for his little Lillian:

My daughter started preschool this year, which really increased my anxiety. At school they bothered me a lot and I was projecting my fears and experiences in it. And although she has friends and things are great, part of me still worries about that for the first time someone makes her feel less. So I wanted to put it on paper. Something that will remind you that not everyone will like how we are and that's fine. It is not our job to make everyone happy. It is our job to be ourselves.

A message for girls, but for adults too

I love Toni’s message, not only because I’m the mother of a girl, but because Despite being an adult woman, I felt identified with some points she mentions. I have always been a very emotional person, but for many years I held back my tears just because some people thought it was ridiculous to cry for this or that thing.

Maybe this situation only happens to me, but speaking of more general things I give another example: How many times have we not ordered a salad because beauty standards tell us that we must be thin to be happy? And yet there we are sitting - perhaps bitterly - eating a salad when we wanted something else. We have to take care, of course, but because it is good for our body, not to look thin.

A defect of mine (yes, that I see it as a defect) was to say "yes"To everything. That made many people abuse my naivety and kindness as a child and teenager to ask me for favors or to make fun of me. Until there came a point where I said "no more!".

I remember perfectly what caused it: I crossed the Atlantic and lived six months in Italy, thanks to an academic exchange at the university. I remember it because when I returned, some "friends" told me: you've changed. And it was just after I raised my voice and shared an opinion that didn't match theirs. Today we are no longer friends, but I have found other friendships with which I feel comfortable being myself and who do not judge me.

It's amazing, but I had to cross an ocean, live alone, in a new and unknown place, with another language I barely spoke, to understand and understand that I could do things for and for me, and that I could be who I wanted. I always refer to that era as the time in which my life changed.

But, Wouldn't it have been easier for me to know that since I was little and not until I was already an adult? Maybe I would have avoided being bullied at school, maybe I would have dared to do many things that I wanted but I never did for fear that others would make fun. I don't want my daughter to live the same insecurity that I went through. I want her to be herself and trust her ability to do things.

The lesson we should give our daughters

I think as mothers, we have the mission and the enormous responsibility of raising strong, empowered and self-confident daughters. Women who are kind, but who know that in a situation that bothers them, they can say no and leave. Women who take care of their health, but because it is important to do so and not because a fashion magazine tells us how we should look.

Women who know that your opinion and your feeling are important and should not be conditioning to maintain a friendship. If they do not coincide in points of view, they can still be friends, we must not agree on everything. On that the great and true friendships are based: to accept the other, without judgments.

Let us educate our daughters to be women who know what they want and see for themselves. To be strong and happy women. But also remember to educate them, so that they are themselves, without doing less to the other.

Photos | iStock
Via | Babble
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