As in the case of women, men also experience changes after the arrival of a child. Although they do not suffer the physical complications that their partner suffers, they are struck by the emotional roller coaster, fatigue and worries typical of this period.
Within this maelstrom it is common that your sex life is parked for a while and focus on the care and well-being of your partner and your child.
However, and although it is not frequent, sometimes this lack of sexual interest, especially if it is maintained for weeks or a few months, can be a source of concern in the father, who does not know how birth can affect your own sexuality. If that were the case, it is important that you understand that what you are experiencing is normal, a reaction among the many that you may experience during this period.
Different possibilities… different parents
Though each parent can live this period differentlySometimes worries trigger when they feel something they don't consider "normal." Here they are collected some of the situations that can occur during the puerperium.
Do not feel guilty if:
You don't feel sexually motivated. Like the mother, the father also often sees his sexual desire diminished for a while. Not only because of concern and new responsibilities, but also because of the decrease in testosterone, the hormone responsible for desire and sexual drive. From an evolutionary point of view, this decrease would favor the protection and care of its progeny.
On the contrary, your sexual desire is booming. That does not mean that you are a bad father or a selfish person. Your partner will appreciate feeling desired, as long as you do not press and respect the time and rhythm that she sets.
Your partner's sexual desire resurfaces before yours. Each person has their own rhythm and each couple is different. We cannot predict when or how desire will return or sexual life will resume. As long as there is respect and understanding there will be no problems in the relationship.
In the first days of breastfeeding you experience different sensations regarding your partner's breasts, now your baby's food source. Breasts are one of the areas of women that most attracts men sexually. At the beginning of breastfeeding, some men may experience the sensation that they have acquired a more practical than sexual purpose. With the days this sensation will be remitting and you will be able to verify that both ends are not exclusive.
At some point you need to talk about something related to your sex life. Communication is essential in the couple. Listening to the emotions and feelings of the other helps you understand and promotes intimacy.
When you resume sex, the woman experiences some discomfort or pain or you have difficulties in erection. It is you who are setting your own pace. Nothing happens if the first few times there is not a very satisfying sexual encounter. Matter of time.
Sexual dysfunctions
As in the case of women, it is not frequent that as a result of the new situation the man experiences a sexual dysfunction and if it occurs it would be a long time and very possibly due to previous problems in the relationship.
The most frequent male sexual dysfunctions are usually those related to sexual desire, with the arousal phase (problems in erection) or with the orgasmic phase (premature ejaculation).
In short, it is normal that for a while after giving birth the man also sees his sexual interest diminished. He also has to adapt to the new situation.. This stage is usual and you should not be alarmed: over time the desire will return naturally. As always, it is best to share this new experience with the couple.
Photos | Francesco Rachello, Josemanuelerre, on Flickr. In Babies and more | Postpartum sexuality, Postpartum depression, also in the father.
