This month our We are going to dedicate special interviews to fatherhood, trying to make it precisely the parents who explain their role, experience and emotions.
The first interview about paternity is going to be Ernesto Juan, founder of the Besos y Brazo Association, with whom we had spoken a year ago. With it we begin our interviews of the month of the father.
Mothers often say that it is the best thing that has happened to them in life, but men tend to be more reticent. Is paternity the most beautiful thing that has happened to you?
Without a doubt, being a father has been the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. It has been the catalyst to start a new life at all levels: on a personal level, on a professional level and, above all, on an emotional level. Right now, I am in the process of searching, of inner healing… a difficult process because of the unlearning that this entails, although exciting to see what is beyond. There is an Ernesto before and an Ernesto after.
How did you think a child should be educated before becoming a father?
I thought that there was that the child had to follow a discipline and an obedience so that "it did not get out of hand", at least it is what I had seen in all my circles: "The adult as a superior being"
When did your perception begin to change?
In pregnancy, that was undoubtedly one of the most important inflection points. It is also true that I was already carrying something internally that told me that leaving children at 4 months in daycare centers to return to work was something that made me squeak, so much that I had already proposed to my partner to stay at home with a leave, although in pregnancy we realized many things.
One of them is the best place where a newborn can be in the "arms-chest-lap-belly" of his mother.
Once you told me that being a father had caused your true self to emerge, the one under a shell. Can you explain that experience to me?
In order to survive, each human being is formed based on experiences in their relationship with the world (labels, comparisons, group membership), a shield or armor is built as a defense mechanism against conflicts or aggressions, and This way is difficult to find our BEING.
My son put me with my feet on the ground and made me look inward, that is so difficult sometimes.
As I said before, right now I am in the process of searching for my I, the one under that shell made over time and this opportunity has been given to me by my son. The experience is being very intense and enriching, sometimes it is scary to do this job in which so many internal things are removed but I consider it essential to be able not to repeat patterns with our children that we have so established
And when your son was born, who did you decide to take care of him when the maternity leave happened?
At the beginning of the pregnancy, we proposed to my parents if they wanted to come to take care of the child when we joined the work taking advantage of the fact that they were retired and really wanted to grandchild. They were very happy with this suggestion. At one time we had changed our mind, we knew that the best company for the newborn is his mother, so soon we informed him that it would be Alba who took a leave of absence and stayed with the child. They were sad at first, it was something that made them very excited but the fact is that they understood and realized that the best decision was the one we had made.
You were present accompanying your partner's births, how would you describe your feelings?
My feelings in my wife's births; This question is very difficult to answer, it is something very personal and hard to describe but I will try. It was an experience of union with my wife and my children, to test what I learned during the childbirth preparation classes, to know if you are able to accompany your partner in a new process for both of us, to check if you can let yourself be, forget the reason and be present. It was to prove myself, to know my abilities.
In short: Births have been the most intense, beautiful, magical, human and exciting experiences I have ever lived!
What role did you have?
My role was to be present and accompany, something as simple as that and something as complicated as that.
Tomorrow we will continue interviewing Ernesto Juan about fatherhood, addressing issues of childcare and their decision to establish a parenting association, possibly being a very special case in the associative world in Spain.
