"Hyperactive", "cheeky", "the most handsome", "intelligent", "heavy", "dirty", "unfriendly", "shy", "lazy", "good", "organized" ... the labels that we often use with children are countless. Surely on many occasions we do not even stop to think about what we say or how we say it: they leave us alone, and we probably do not know the damage they can do.
But the truth is that the labels fall like a slab on the child who carries them, seriously damaging their development. Neither "positive" nor negative labels: we tell you why we should never label children.
Why we should not label children
Let the hand raise who has grown with some label! Unfortunately, most children do so and end up assuming the role of the label that others impose on them. But this role is not only assumed in the family environment, because in most cases it also transcends other social spheres such as school or friendships.
In Babies and more The 14 parenting tips that all parents know but few comply with The label qualifies the entire person based on their behavior at any given time. And after constantly repeating it, the child assumes that that label is what defines him, even marking his way of being and acting as others expect of him.But Each child is unique and unrepeatable, and his way of thinking and / or acting - which can also vary according to the circumstances of the moment - should never define him as a person.
"Negative tags"
Negative labels disapprove of the child and usually are put as a desperate response from the adult. That is to say, before a behavior that worries us or irritates us, the parents act labeling or boxing.
In Babies and moreOur teenagers are discovering who they are: how to help them overcome their insecuritiesFor example, the child who grows up with the label of "clumsy" ends up assuming he has no qualities to do things right or skills to understand things. His self-esteem is diminished, he refuses to strain (learned helplessness) and acts based on what others expect of him.
Thus, every time this child has to face a situation, the “clumsy” label imposed by others will appear to remind him that he will not be able to achieve it, causing frustration, anxiety, apathy, anger, reluctance, surrender…
"Positive tags"
Positive labels are those that exaggerately highlight some quality or ability of the child. Parents usually use them with the intention of flattering, encouraging or strengthening their self-esteem, but they are just as harmful as the previous ones, since the child ends up acting to get the approval of others.
For example, the child with the label of “responsible” ends up assuming that that quality that he has in one or several plots of his life (for example, he is responsible with school duties) must be extrapolated to any other field, so that it grows with the pressure and anxiety of always having to act like this, because it is what others expect of him.
Therefore, every time this child has to face a task, the label of "responsible" will cause tension and stress for wanting to meet the expectations that others have placed on him, causing him great frustration if he considers that he has not lived up to it. than expected In the end, their actions end up being dependent on external judgment.
Labels are bad for the child who wears them and the adult who imposes them
In addition to reducing the child's self-esteem and generating feelings like the ones we just saw, labels box the child, so that for more efforts to change it, it is very difficult to get it: "I am a bad student, why am I going to make an effort to prepare this exam if I am sure I get bad grades?" (self-fulfilling prophecy).
But for the adult who classifies the child the labels also have consequencesWell, you will see, treat and address that child only based on his label, ignoring other qualities.
We miss many aspects of the personality of our children when we label them, because we are so focused on that "labeled behavior" that we ignore many other virtues that we probably do not even pay attention to.How to remove the labels from our lives?
Avoiding labeling is not easy, as this behavior is so ingrained in our day to day life that it is necessary to do a deep reflection exercise to realize it. And perhaps many parents label without thinking about the consequences, or even in a caring way, but the truth is that the labels restrict the freedom of the child and prevent him from being himself.
In Babies and more How to raise happy children: keys to positive parentingIf you want to remove the labels of your life and that of your children, focus on the action and not on your character. That is, the child who systematically forgets to do his homework is not a "disaster" or a "clueless." Just forget that aspect of your life at any given time. The day I do not reinforce that behavior with phrases like: "I have seen that today you have done your homework and are more attentive"
It is also important to eliminate the affectionate appellants within the family, listen to the child and validate their emotions and let it be he himself who forges his own self-concept based on his experience.
